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A comedy prophecy finally comes true, and it turns out you’re not allowed to eat McNuggets on roller coasters
It’s finally Friday, so let’s end this week on a high note with another edition of Nightcaps!
Isn’t it wild how, despite it being a holiday week wherein many of us only have to work for four days, things just drag?
I’m not sure what it is, but Memorial Day already feels like it was a month ago.
But hey, that’s what happens when you’ve got your nose to the proverbial grindstone, and boy, have we ever this week.
I feel like I’ve been working from the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep, and that included the very last thing I do before going to sleep (unless you count listening to old-timey radio shows through my Bluetooth sleeping mask, in which case it was the second to last thing).
All week, we’ve been talking about Bryce Harper’s bizarre toothpaste habit where he squirts the toothpaste straight into his mouth instead of on the bristles.
A reader tried it out on Thursday, so I figured I had to do my job as a Big J Journalist and do it myself.
So last night, as I was brushing my teeth in my sink and my wife in hers, I switched things up and shot a glob of Colgate Optic White straight into my mouth.
My wife looked at me like I was insane.
“It’s for work,” I said.
That’s one of the best things about this job, by the way. I wasn’t lying. Nor was I lying when I mixed up a Cuban sandwich mimosa at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday or when I had to sift through Instagram models’ pages for gold.
Anyway, I was hoping for some sort of life-altering epiphany that this was the way to do toothpaste, but I did not get there. It actually felt kind of awkward because I have been brushing my teeth one way twice a day for 30 years, so switching things up felt like trying to write your name with your left hand when you’re right-handed.
Maybe try the Harper method for yourself, but don’t expect to come away with a life-altering experience… it was kind of dumb of me to expect that, honestly.
There is no singular comedy bit more famous, repeated and parodied than Abbot and Costello’s “Who’s on first?” bit.
If you really think about it, it makes no sense. I mean, we’re supposed to believe there’s a guy named “I Don’t Know” on third?
I get it, but it’s hard to wrap your mind around the fact that, at the time, for a lot of people, this was the funniest thing that had ever been created in the history of mankind up to that point.
GUESS WHICH ‘HAPPY DAYS’ STAR JUST SHOT A NUDE SCENE (SORRY, LADIES; IT WASN’T DON MOST)
While it feels dated, it’s a great bit by vaudeville standards, and now, after all of these years, Who — or rather, Hu — is finally on first.
How great is that?
While I was sawing logs, dreaming about being a Viking or going to algebra class without pants on, the folks at Jeff Bezos’ space company, Blue Origin — *Andrew Dice Clay voice* It need duh money!!!! — was preparing to launch a payload of satellites into orbit from Cape Canaveral.
It did not go well.
Alright, an “anomaly.”
Well, what kind of anomaly were we talking about?
…Oh yeah, that’s a big anomaly.
I’m not going to sit here and play armchair rocket scientist, but you usually don’t want rockets doing that.
The aftermath is not pretty, and unfortunately, this could have some serious consequences for Blue Origin and NASA too as we work toward putting astronauts on the moon once again.
That’s bad, but it’s not quite as bad as I was expecting. From the explosion, I didn’t think you’d be able to see any living vegetation in that photo. I thought everything that you’d be able to fit in frame would just be matchsticks.
Still, a huge bummer and maybe the “anomaly” of the century so far.
I think it’s always good to put things in perspective, and if you had a tough week, at least be thankful you didn’t get stuck on a roller coaster.
Especially not on the vertical lift hill.
I’m becoming less of a roller coaster guy than I used to be, and this is not helping me put a stop to that.
My wife and I went on the newly Muppet-ized Rock ‘N’ Roller Coaster at Disney’s Hollywood Studios recently, and while I had been on that ride many times when it was Aerosmith-themed, I hopped out of it woozy as hell.
Same track. Older Matt.
And that’s a roller coaster that is low to the ground. This kind of nonsense where I could get stuck up in the air like that and get motion sickness?
Nah, I think I’m going to pass on that.
Plus, they won’t even let you eat McNuggets on them anymore.
Speaking of roller coasters, we’ve got a fella who earned a lifetime ban from Six Flags — do you realize what you have to do to get banned from Six Flags — and it was all because he let other idiots on the internet tell him what to do.
A follower told him to eat McNuggets while on a roller coaster, and when a random person tells you to do something on social media, you have to do it.
Sorry, those are the rules. I don’t make them.
So, Allen Ferrell crammed some chicken nuggets in his pants and hopped on a roller coaster.
I think what got him banned was splashing sweet-and-sour sauce all over the people behind him, but I’m personally in favor of banning anyone who does something stupid somewhere in the name of social media clicks from that place.
Oh, what’s that? You need to visit the emergency room? Well, you should have thought of that before you ran through the waiting room in an inflatable T-Rex costume.
Let’s end on a high note…
We’ve talked about explosions and roller coasters and idiots eating McNuggets on a roller coaster, so let’s wrap up with the kind of thing that will send you into the weekend on a high note…
Dogs trying lemons!
ZERO BS. JUST DAKICH. TAKE THE DON’T @ ME PODCAST ON THE ROAD. DOWNLOAD NOW!
This has joined the pantheon of funny things dogs can do. It’s up there with kicking over obstacle course cones and playing poker in paintings.
…
That’s it for this Friday edition of Nightcaps!
Have a great weekend!
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‘This is not the New York City I knew’: Jews, Muslims and Christians unite at anti-Mamdani rally
NEW YORK — Hundreds of protesters waving Israeli and American flags gathered Tuesday night just steps from Gracie Mansion on Manhattan’s Upper East Side to rally against Democratic Mayor Zohran Mamdani.
Speakers at the rally accused the mayor of failing to protect the city’s Jewish population and ignoring antisemitism. The protest featured a long list of speakers, including former “Big Time Rush” star James Maslow, artist Scott LoBaido, Lawfare Project founder Brooke Goldstein, along with several pro-Israel activists.
The rally was organized by #EndJewHatred, a grassroots group focused on combating antisemitism.
In between the speeches, the crowd broke into chants of “remove Mamdani” and “USA, USA,” and sang “The Star-Spangled Banner.”
“This is not the New York City I knew and loved,” Ari Ackerman, an entrepreneur and outspoken pro-Israel advocate, told Fox News Digital.
“There’s a different ideology that has taken over by the man who’s living in that house right over there,” he continued while pointing at Gracie Mansion, “and it’s not good. It’s changed everything.”
Mamdani’s friction with the city’s Jewish community came into focus during his campaign, as some questioned his stance on Israel, refusal to condemn the phrase “globalize the intifada,” and ties to activists like Hasan Piker and Mahmoud Khalil.
Antisemitic incidents have surged in New York City since Hamas’ Oct. 7, 2023, attacks in Israel. Recently, there have been anti-Israel protests outside Jewish institutions and synagogues.
Since taking office in January, tensions have remained high, with many Jewish New Yorkers saying that they do not feel safe in their own city. New York City is home to the largest Jewish population in the world outside Israel.
Some speakers argued that the mayor’s rhetoric and actions reflected a deeper failure to confront antisemitism.
MAMDANI SKIPS ISRAEL DAY PARADE DESPITE JOINING OTHER CULTURAL CELEBRATIONS
Rabbi Yaakov Menken, executive vice president of the Coalition for Jewish Values, told Fox News Digital that while antisemitism has persisted for thousands of years, he believes Mamdani embodies its modern form.
“Rabbis have been studying antisemitism for thousands of years. We know what it is, we know how to recognize it, and Zohran Mamdani represents it in the here and now,” Menken said.
“On day one of taking office, Mamdani, what did he do? He gets rid of the definition of antisemitism,” influencer and activist Lizzy Savetsky said, causing the crowd to boo the mayor. “If we can’t define it, how can we even fight it?”
While much of the rally focused on antisemitism, several speakers emphasized they were gathered to oppose a mayor who they see as a threat to Americans, not just Jews. The speakers represented several different backgrounds, including Christians and Muslims.
“This is not about antisemitism. This is about who we are as Americans,” Goldstein told Fox News Digital. “Do we believe in the rule of law? Do we believe in civil rights? Do we believe in equal protection?”
“We are demanding equal protection under the law. The truth is on our side, the law is on our side,” she added.
Abraham Hamra, a Syrian Jew who was forced to escape his home country with his family as a child, said that Mamdani represented a larger threat to Americans.
“What’s coming here, me and my family escaped,” he said. “For every New Yorker, for every American watching this, this is not a threat to the Jewish community. This is a threat to you and your way of life as Americans.”
Hamra encouraged Americans to “stand up tall” against radical Islam and socialism.
Mamdani drew attention recently when he announced that he would not march in the Israel Day Parade, which is scheduled for May 31. Since 1964, every sitting mayor has attended the parade. This year, it comes amid a rise in antisemitic incidents and anti-Israel protests outside Jewish institutions.
“He’s not attending the Israel Parade, so we’re going to bring the parade to his door,” influencer Zach Sage Fox told Fox News Digital.
Anila Ali, president of the American Muslim & Multifaith Women’s Empowerment Council, joined the protest just days before she was set to make history. Ali is slated to lead the first Muslim group to march in New York City’s annual Israel Day Parade, which has taken place for over 60 years.
Ali noted at the beginning of her speech that the rally coincided with the start of Eid al-Adha, one of the holiest holidays in Islam, which commemorates Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice his son as a demonstration of his faith in God.
“The Abrahamic prophets did not teach hate, and if Mayor Mamdani says he’s a Muslim, then this hate on Jewish New Yorkers is un-Islamic, un-American and immoral,” Ali declared.
She went on to accuse Mamdani of “using Islam to divide Muslims, Jews, Christians and all of us.” Ali also said that the mayor was using his faith to push his ideology.
While some focused on what they saw as Mamdani’s failures with public safety and his impact on the future of the city, others brought up current situations in which they saw the mayor falling short.
“He’ll condemn a swastika drawn on a building, but he won’t condemn Hezbollah flags and Hamas flags that are being paraded around the streets daily now in New York,” Fox told Fox News Digital.
Fox added that Mamdani represented a larger phenomenon in the U.S., in which many people “hate Jews, but they mask it under Zionism.”
The rally highlighted broader frustrations many of Mamdani’s critics have expressed, with speakers repeatedly voicing their concerns about public safety, antisemitism and the future of New York City.
Fox News Digital reached out to Mamdani’s office for comment.
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Former Giant Will Clark slams team for doing hip thrusts in the outfield with a losing record
I can’t remember the last time a celebration took over social media the way the San Francisco Giants’ outfield hip-thrusting sessions have.
And I definitely can’t remember a time that those celebrations were being busted out by a team that is well under .500.
According to former Giant and six-time All-Star Will Clark, it’s a bad look, and he made it very clear that he’s not a fan of the thrusting.
ZERO BS. JUST DAKICH. TAKE THE DON’T @ ME PODCAST ON THE ROAD. DOWNLOAD NOW!
“The dance where they’re doing the f–king pelvic thrust or something like that,” Clark said in a clip from his “Deuces Wild” podcast that has been making the rounds on social media. “I’m like ‘What the f–k is this?’ You’re 20 and 30, you don’t have the luxury of doing that kind of s–t out there. It looks like chicken s–t. Go back, high-five each other, ‘Nice job, we won one. Let’s keep the train running.’
“But the train has been off the tracks a little bit. I hate it.”
I mean… he has a point.
What’s so funny to me about this whole celebration is that if you showed someone who wasn’t following baseball, they’d see it and think that the San Francisco Giants are on top of the world and on cruise control until they win the NL pennant as a mere formality and dominate the World Series.
BREWERS PITCHER ABNER URIBE APOLOGIZES AFTER CONTROVERSIAL STRIKEOUT CELEBRATION SPARKS BACKLASH
That is not the case.
I guess you could make the claim that they’re trying to get the most mileage out of their celebrations since they haven’t been able to do them a lot this season.
Still, if I were playing on a team that was struggling at the bottom of the standings, I wouldn’t celebrate like that.
It’s just weird. Like when a football team is getting blown out, but they get a late touchdown and celebrate like it just put them ahead, when in reality it’s still like a three-possession game.
Maybe read the room.
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