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Valerie Bertinelli says she missed narcissistic red flags in relationships: ‘Made me question my self-worth’
Making it clear she’s in no rush to get back onto the dating scene, Valerie Bertinelli explained this week that she now actively looks for narcissism “red flags” when meeting men.
In her “Getting Naked” podcast on Wednesday titled “Know Your Narcissist,” Bertinelli revealed that she didn’t even realize she was dealing with narcissism in her own romantic relationships until several years ago after first recognizing it in the fraught political climate.
“I don’t want to throw anybody that’s been in my life under a bus, I just want to talk about experiences that have been challenging and made me question my self-worth,” the “One Day at a Time” star told her guest Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and author.
“When we know who we are, Valerie, when someone is coming at us like the way that narcissistic people do, we can be a lot more steadfast,” the doctor advised. “The only way a narcissistic relationship works is if we abandon ourselves.”
VALERIE BERTINELLI SAYS SHE’S ‘REALLY SCARED’ OF DATING, ISSUES WARNING ON ‘VULNERABILITY’
Bertinelli agreed with her assessment, admitting that in the narcissistic relationships she’d been involved in, “I totally abandoned myself to a point where my family was like ‘Where are you? We need you? Come back to us.’”
She said while she was in the relationships, she didn’t feel that way.
“You feel truly like you’re just going to make this person happy,” the 66-year-old explained. “You know you can do it. ‘I know I can make them happy. I know if I work hard enough, I can make them happy. I know that I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want to hurt them, so if they’re telling me that I’m doing these things. I can make myself better.’”
When Durvasula noted that it’s human to want “intimate relationships,” Bertinelli joked: “Well, I did. I’m not so much want[ing] that right now.”
Durvasula revealed that “a lot of the core of narcissism is this insecurity, this fragility.”
Bertinelli interjected to say that the narcissists she’s known, though, “seem like they’re not insecure. They’re so like — it’s magnetizing to see someone that sure of themselves,” and Durvasula explained that narcissists “are good at what we call expressed self-confidence,” essentially being know-it-alls.
The doctor further explained that the traits of a narcissist encompass low empathy, arrogance, entitlement, grandiosity and pathological selfishness.
“They can only center [around] themselves,” she added. “They’re status seeking. So, they want whatever is going to make them look powerful to the world. They are not able to tolerate things like frustration, disappointment, stress, or anything that doesn’t sort of prop up that grandiose sort of fantasy of them. They’re driven very much by power, domination, control. They need to be the ones on top.”
And those traits, she explained, show up as “manipulation, invalidation, dismissiveness, gaslighting, rage, silent treatment, competitiveness, making us small so they can feel big, betrayal, promising things that they never follow through on.”
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Prefacing her analysis of her own past relationships with “I can only speak about my own experience and being very careful not to,” Bertinelli said: “I would never ever think that that person had any of those traits, but the way that they showed up was, oh boy, all of the things you said.”
She added that she wanted her podcast to help people from “falling into that trap.”
“I have a little joke that it’s just like, ‘OK, somebody’s got to tell me every single different kind of narcissist there is out there because I need to know what to not fall into.’” she said. “Again, I even talked to my therapist. I said, ‘Please tell me what red flags are exactly so I can keep an eye out for them.'”
VALERIE BERTINELLI SLAMS CRITICS WHO ‘HARSHLY’ JUDGED HER SKIN-BARING UNDERWEAR SNAP
She noted that in a past relationship someone she didn’t name had repeatedly told her she was a narcissist and that she was hurting them.
“And I was like, ‘Well, I don’t want to be hurting people. I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want to do all these things. Please, God, tell me.’ And I’m like, at a certain point, I said: ‘I don’t understand why you’re with me. Like I can’t do anything right,’” she said.
But the doctor explained to her that person was manipulating her.
VALERIE BERTINELLI ADMITS THAT EDDIE VAN HALEN AND TOM VITALE SPLITS WERE ‘COMPLETELY DIFFERENT’
“‘You will be lovable if you do the things I’m telling you to do,’” she said a narcissist would tell her. “That’s the twist.”
Bertinelli also suggested the person had told her she prioritizes her son, Wolfgang Van Halen, too much, which Durvasula described as a great example of low empathy, when a romantic partner can’t understand that a relationship with your child is a different kind of love.
She added that when Bertinelli thought she was building intimacy with the person by opening up, “you were basically filling an armory with weapons that they were going to use against you.”
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Bertinelli said now if she sees any sign of “love bombing,” where people flatter the other person to manipulate them, she can’t tell if it’s genuine affection or not.
“Because there is a point where like getting love notes or being spoken beautifully to and telling — like there’s a point of letting someone know how you feel about them, and then there’s the love bombing and the like it get moving fast,” she said.
The doctor replied: “Idealization is not a place for a relationship to start. And to all you romantics out there, suck it because I’m going to tell you right now, it is just not.”
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Bertinelli also specified the “insidious” isolation she had experienced in a relationship.
“It starts — it’s not ‘Don’t see your family.’ It’s when you are with your family, they’ll be constantly texting and constantly and starting an argument through texts and calling. And I’m like, ‘I can’t talk right now,’” which she said left her feeling like she couldn’t see her family because it upset her significant other.
After breaking up with her boyfriend of 10 months in late 2024, following her divorce from her second husband in 2022, Bertinelli explained at the Los Angeles Time Festival of Books last weekend that she was “really scared of dating right now.”
She continued, “I’ve had, you know, two — I’m just scared.”
Bertinelli told Fox News Digital at the panel that she realized for the first time through writing her memoir, “Getting Naked,” “I didn’t give myself enough credit for the strength I already had inside me. And that I’m — that I don’t have to listen to people be negative to me.”
The star said that she was “surprised that I was able to learn that. Finally! That I don’t have to listen to people be horrible to me. I don’t have to tolerate intolerable behavior.”
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She added to Fox News Digital that when she wrote her 2022 book “Enough Already” she thought she had learned that lesson, “but I still put up with intolerable behavior after that.”
“It wasn’t until I really dug down and got to the root of my shame and the dark side that I made friends with it,” she said. “Then I thought, ‘Now I’m done. Now I can just say, f— you. That’s it, I’m done. I’m out,’ you know?”
After divorcing her first husband, Eddie Van Halen, in 2007, she married businessman Tom Vitale in 2010. At the end of their marriage, Bertinelli began to refer to Vitale as “the narcissist,” saying that he emotionally abused her, calling her “fat and lazy.”
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She also called being officially divorced from Vitale the “second-best day of my life.”
Bertinelli began dating writer Mike Goodnough in 2024 and said she was in love, but by year’s end, the relationship had fizzled.
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A year ago, Goodnough claimed Bertinelli was “playing a one-woman tennis match thinking there is someone on the other side of the net” after their breakup, accusing her of falsely making his social media posts about herself and “lashes out angrily” at him.
He also accused her of “hostile, dishonest, and uncalled for backhanded swipes.”
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“Valerie is in a war with her ghosts. I’m just the guy who catches the bullets. And that isn’t new,” he added.
After their breakup, Bertinelli said in an Instagram post she had been “irreversibly changed by him for the better” and said that she had “fumbled the last true good man I met.”
Culture
Cracker Barrel Fans Outraged Again After NEW Major Change
Cracker Barrel built its reputation on comfort food, Southern tradition, and a menu customers could count on for decades.
That’s exactly why loyal diners are still fuming as the restaurant chain continues removing many of the classic dishes that helped make it a household name.
For years, customers have pleaded with the Tennessee-based chain to restore fan favorites that quietly disappeared from the menu, including black-eyed peas, fried haddock, red-eye gravy, fried chicken livers, and perhaps the most mourned item of all—the Sunrise Sampler.
For many longtime patrons, the Sunrise Sampler wasn’t just another breakfast. It was the breakfast.
The hearty platter came loaded with eggs, grits, fried apples, hash brown casserole, sausage, bacon, country ham, and biscuits with gravy—giving diners a taste of nearly everything Cracker Barrel had to offer without having to piece together a meal item by item.
“I noticed a while back that Cracker Barrel removed the GOAT of all breakfasts, the Sunrise Sampler, from the menu,” Josh Cooper, owner of Cooper’s Next Level BBQ in Tallahassee, Florida, told Fox News Digital. “You used to get a little bit of everything without breaking the bank.”
The meal hasn’t completely disappeared—but recreating it now comes with a catch.
Customers must order every component separately, turning what was once an affordable breakfast favorite into a considerably more expensive order.
“Now, in order to get that same teaser touch from the Sunrise Sampler, you have to order it all à la carte, which costs around $25 for the same great meal,” he said. “Blasphemy!”
Fox News Digital reached out to Cracker Barrel for comment.
The growing frustration over disappearing menu items comes after the company already faced a wave of backlash for attempting to modernize its image.
Last year, Cracker Barrel sparked outrage among longtime customers after unveiling a redesigned logo and updated restaurant interiors that many believed stripped away the rustic charm that had long defined the brand.
The changes were part of a sweeping $700 million overhaul across more than 660 locations, including menu revisions and a cleaner, less cluttered dining room design.
The company ultimately reversed course following widespread criticism, but many loyal customers say the damage had already been done.
The leadership shakeup continued last week when Cracker Barrel announced that CEO Julie Masino will step down on Aug. 10.
Former Bloomin’ Brands CEO David Deno is slated to take over.
For many customers, however, the issue extends far beyond a logo or a fresh coat of paint.
They believe corporate leadership has steadily chipped away at the very traditions that made Cracker Barrel stand apart from countless other restaurant chains.
Cooper said companies often underestimate the emotional attachment customers have to longtime menu favorites.
People are “asking for comfort and nostalgia.”
“The reality is that nostalgia matters. And when you remove popular items without controlling the narrative or managing customers’ expectations, you are bound to have upset patrons,” he said.
“Whether it’s due to rising food costs, kitchen timing or any other reason, it’s important to communicate with the people who put you on the map in the first place. Communication matters.”
Rachel Love, a self-described Cracker Barrel enthusiast from Tennessee, said one discontinued favorite remains at the top of her wish list.
“I absolutely loved the black-eyed peas, and I’m so glad they’re getting some attention,” Love told Fox News Digital. “They were one of my favorite sides and always felt like such a classic part of the Cracker Barrel experience.”
Love also hopes the restaurant revives its baked apple dumpling, describing it as “the perfect comfort dessert” for a brand built on old-fashioned hospitality.
To her, the debate is about much more than a handful of discontinued recipes.
“People aren’t just asking for old menu items — they’re asking for the comfort and nostalgia that came with them,” she said.
“Sometimes bringing back one classic dish means more to loyal customers than introducing several new ones.”
That may be the lesson Cracker Barrel continues to learn the hard way.
Customers aren’t asking the chain to reinvent itself.
They’re asking it to remember what made it successful.
They want the front porch.
They want the country store.
They want the breakfasts, the classic sides, and the timeless comfort food that turned Cracker Barrel into an American institution.
For many loyal diners, nostalgia isn’t a weakness.
It’s the brand.
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Mamdani Kicked Out — He’s Livid After Latest Announcement
Backlash against New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani continues to mount, with the Democratic Socialist facing another public rebuke after reportedly being denied the opportunity to speak at the funeral of a U.S. Army soldier killed during an Iranian missile attack.
According to multiple reports, Mamdani attended Friday’s funeral for Army Sgt. Angel Sarah Rampersad in Queens but remained silent throughout the service after the soldier’s family reportedly chose not to have him address mourners.
Rampersad was one of three American service members killed in Jordan during an Iranian attack on July 17.
The funeral was held at a church in Ozone Park, where elected officials, community leaders, family members and fellow mourners gathered to honor the 28-year-old soldier’s sacrifice.
According to the New York Post, Mamdani appeared to review prepared remarks on an iPad while other dignitaries spoke, but his name was never called.
A source familiar with the funeral told The Post the decision came directly from Rampersad’s family, which reportedly wanted to keep politics out of the ceremony.
The family chose not to have Mayor Zohran Mamdani speak in an effort to avoid what the source described as “political distractions.”
After the funeral concluded, the mayor’s office released the remarks Mamdani had planned to deliver.
“It is often said that our fallen ‘gave their tomorrows for our today,’” Mamdani planned to say.
“Sergeant Rampersad had tomorrows waiting for her: birthdays, ordinary mornings, evenings spent with her loved ones,” his remarks continued.
“But she gave every one of them up so that we could have ours — so that we could stand here today, safe and protected,” he was to say.
New York Gov. Kathy Hochul, however, did address those gathered and offered an emotional tribute to the fallen soldier.
“I feel after reading and admiring this woman from a distance, I feel like she could be one of my daughters,” Hochul said.
Other speakers included Ozone Park Residents Block Association President Sam Esposito, state Sen. Joseph Addabbo Jr., and Queens Borough President Donovan Richards.
According to the Department of War, Sgt. Angel Sarah Rampersad, 28, of Ozone Park, New York, was killed in action during an enemy attack at Muwaffaq Salti Air Base in Jordan.
U.S. Central Command said Rampersad and two fellow service members were killed while American and coalition forces defended against Iranian ballistic missile and drone attacks.
The other fallen Americans were identified as 1st Lt. Tyler James Feehan, 25, of Ewa Beach, Hawaii, and Pvt. Isabella Gonzales, 19, of Carrollton, Texas.
All three were deployed to Jordan in support of Operation Inherent Resolve, the international mission to combat ISIS in Iraq and Syria.
Rampersad served with the 1st Battalion, 57th Air Defense Artillery Regiment, 52d Air Defense Artillery Brigade, 10th Army Air and Missile Defense Command in Ansbach, Germany.
She worked as a 25U Signal Operations Support Specialist, according to the Department of War.
One person who attended the funeral told the newspaper the mayor appeared visibly upset after realizing he would not be invited to speak.
“He looked over at his staff, frustrated and seemed angry that he didn’t speak,” the source told the Post.
The attendee said Mamdani eventually understood that his name would not be called, glanced toward members of his staff, and put away the tablet that reportedly contained his prepared remarks.
Another source cited by the newspaper said the decision reflected the wishes of Rampersad’s family, describing them as politically conservative and supportive of President Donald Trump.
“The family is more conservative and wanted to limit any political distractions,” the source told the Post.
Neither Mamdani’s office nor members of the Rampersad family have publicly confirmed the account explaining why the mayor was not invited to speak.
Although he never addressed the congregation during the service, the mayor’s office later publicly released the remarks he had prepared, bringing attention to a moment that underscored the growing political controversy surrounding New York City’s new mayor.
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GOP Just Passed It 232-288 — Pelosi And AOC Lose It On House Floor
The House of Representatives delivered a major victory this week for Americans with disabilities who want the opportunity to work instead of being trapped by a broken federal bureaucracy.
In a bipartisan vote, lawmakers approved legislation aimed at dismantling long-standing barriers within the Social Security Disability Insurance program that critics say have discouraged work and punished self-sufficiency for decades.
H.R. 8884, the **Removing Barriers to Work for Disabled Americans Act**, sponsored by Rep. Austin Scott, R-Ga., passed the House by a vote of 232-188 and now heads to the Senate, where it has been referred to the Committee on Finance.
The legislation restores an important tool that the Social Security Administration lost when its demonstration authority expired in 2022.
Under the bill, the SSA would once again be authorized to test practical reforms under the Social Security Disability Insurance program through Dec. 31, 2030, with demonstration projects continuing through the end of 2031.
Rather than permanently rewriting federal law, the agency would be able to pilot innovative approaches designed to help beneficiaries who are able and willing return to the workforce.
The legislation includes significant safeguards. Participation would be entirely voluntary, and no participant could receive less total income as a result of joining one of the demonstration projects.
Supporters say those protections make the bill a common-sense effort to modernize a system that has too often discouraged Americans from pursuing employment.
House Ways and Means Committee Chairman Jason Smith, R-Mo., argued the current system is failing many of the very people it was designed to help.
“With over 60 percent of Social Security Disability Insurance recipients expressing an interest in returning to the workforce but less than one percent leaving the program because of a successful return to work each year, the Social Security Administration’s complex rules and regulations are clearly failing to deliver for too many Americans,” Smith said.
“Giving the SSA the authority to test innovative ways to better help disabled Americans pursue gainful employment is pure common sense, and this legislation goes a step further to ensure participation in any new system is both voluntary and will not reduce a beneficiary’s total income,” Smith added.
Smith pointed to what he described as a massive disconnect between Americans who want to work and those who are actually able to do so under the current system.
For years, disability recipients have warned that attempting to return to work can trigger a maze of complicated regulations, overpayment disputes, benefit cliffs, and uncertainty that ultimately makes taking a job financially risky.
Rather than encouraging independence, critics say the current structure often rewards staying on the sidelines.
Supporters argue H.R. 8884 takes a fundamentally different approach.
Instead of expanding government programs or imposing sweeping permanent reforms without evidence, the legislation gives the Social Security Administration the flexibility to test targeted solutions, evaluate the results, and determine what actually helps Americans reenter the workforce before making lasting policy changes.
Backers say the measure reflects a core conservative principle: government assistance should serve as a bridge to opportunity—not a permanent barrier to self-reliance.
The bill recognizes that having a disability does not automatically mean someone is unable to work and that federal policy should encourage those who are capable of seeking employment rather than penalizing them for trying.
The legislation also broadens the agency’s authority to include additional populations, including blind Americans, expanding the reach of future demonstration projects.
The proposal advanced through the House with bipartisan support after clearing the Ways and Means Committee, where lawmakers from both parties acknowledged that the current disability system leaves too many Americans behind.
Still, Republicans led the charge, arguing that practical reforms backed by measurable results are preferable to expanding entitlement programs or making permanent changes without first proving they work.
The bill now moves to the Senate, where lawmakers will decide whether to send it to President Donald Trump’s desk.
Supporters are urging swift action, arguing that restoring the SSA’s demonstration authority represents a fiscally responsible, low-cost reform that could help thousands of Americans regain the dignity, purpose, and financial independence that comes with meaningful work.
If enacted, the Social Security Administration would once again have the authority to launch carefully monitored pilot programs designed to improve employment outcomes, while reporting requirements would provide transparency and accountability as Congress evaluates which reforms deserve permanent consideration.
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