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Valerie Bertinelli says she missed narcissistic red flags in relationships: ‘Made me question my self-worth’
Making it clear she’s in no rush to get back onto the dating scene, Valerie Bertinelli explained this week that she now actively looks for narcissism “red flags” when meeting men.
In her “Getting Naked” podcast on Wednesday titled “Know Your Narcissist,” Bertinelli revealed that she didn’t even realize she was dealing with narcissism in her own romantic relationships until several years ago after first recognizing it in the fraught political climate.
“I don’t want to throw anybody that’s been in my life under a bus, I just want to talk about experiences that have been challenging and made me question my self-worth,” the “One Day at a Time” star told her guest Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and author.
“When we know who we are, Valerie, when someone is coming at us like the way that narcissistic people do, we can be a lot more steadfast,” the doctor advised. “The only way a narcissistic relationship works is if we abandon ourselves.”
VALERIE BERTINELLI SAYS SHE’S ‘REALLY SCARED’ OF DATING, ISSUES WARNING ON ‘VULNERABILITY’
Bertinelli agreed with her assessment, admitting that in the narcissistic relationships she’d been involved in, “I totally abandoned myself to a point where my family was like ‘Where are you? We need you? Come back to us.’”
She said while she was in the relationships, she didn’t feel that way.
“You feel truly like you’re just going to make this person happy,” the 66-year-old explained. “You know you can do it. ‘I know I can make them happy. I know if I work hard enough, I can make them happy. I know that I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want to hurt them, so if they’re telling me that I’m doing these things. I can make myself better.’”
When Durvasula noted that it’s human to want “intimate relationships,” Bertinelli joked: “Well, I did. I’m not so much want[ing] that right now.”
Durvasula revealed that “a lot of the core of narcissism is this insecurity, this fragility.”
Bertinelli interjected to say that the narcissists she’s known, though, “seem like they’re not insecure. They’re so like — it’s magnetizing to see someone that sure of themselves,” and Durvasula explained that narcissists “are good at what we call expressed self-confidence,” essentially being know-it-alls.
The doctor further explained that the traits of a narcissist encompass low empathy, arrogance, entitlement, grandiosity and pathological selfishness.
“They can only center [around] themselves,” she added. “They’re status seeking. So, they want whatever is going to make them look powerful to the world. They are not able to tolerate things like frustration, disappointment, stress, or anything that doesn’t sort of prop up that grandiose sort of fantasy of them. They’re driven very much by power, domination, control. They need to be the ones on top.”
And those traits, she explained, show up as “manipulation, invalidation, dismissiveness, gaslighting, rage, silent treatment, competitiveness, making us small so they can feel big, betrayal, promising things that they never follow through on.”
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Prefacing her analysis of her own past relationships with “I can only speak about my own experience and being very careful not to,” Bertinelli said: “I would never ever think that that person had any of those traits, but the way that they showed up was, oh boy, all of the things you said.”
She added that she wanted her podcast to help people from “falling into that trap.”
“I have a little joke that it’s just like, ‘OK, somebody’s got to tell me every single different kind of narcissist there is out there because I need to know what to not fall into.’” she said. “Again, I even talked to my therapist. I said, ‘Please tell me what red flags are exactly so I can keep an eye out for them.'”
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She noted that in a past relationship someone she didn’t name had repeatedly told her she was a narcissist and that she was hurting them.
“And I was like, ‘Well, I don’t want to be hurting people. I don’t want to be selfish. I don’t want to do all these things. Please, God, tell me.’ And I’m like, at a certain point, I said: ‘I don’t understand why you’re with me. Like I can’t do anything right,’” she said.
But the doctor explained to her that person was manipulating her.
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“‘You will be lovable if you do the things I’m telling you to do,’” she said a narcissist would tell her. “That’s the twist.”
Bertinelli also suggested the person had told her she prioritizes her son, Wolfgang Van Halen, too much, which Durvasula described as a great example of low empathy, when a romantic partner can’t understand that a relationship with your child is a different kind of love.
She added that when Bertinelli thought she was building intimacy with the person by opening up, “you were basically filling an armory with weapons that they were going to use against you.”
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Bertinelli said now if she sees any sign of “love bombing,” where people flatter the other person to manipulate them, she can’t tell if it’s genuine affection or not.
“Because there is a point where like getting love notes or being spoken beautifully to and telling — like there’s a point of letting someone know how you feel about them, and then there’s the love bombing and the like it get moving fast,” she said.
The doctor replied: “Idealization is not a place for a relationship to start. And to all you romantics out there, suck it because I’m going to tell you right now, it is just not.”
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Bertinelli also specified the “insidious” isolation she had experienced in a relationship.
“It starts — it’s not ‘Don’t see your family.’ It’s when you are with your family, they’ll be constantly texting and constantly and starting an argument through texts and calling. And I’m like, ‘I can’t talk right now,’” which she said left her feeling like she couldn’t see her family because it upset her significant other.
After breaking up with her boyfriend of 10 months in late 2024, following her divorce from her second husband in 2022, Bertinelli explained at the Los Angeles Time Festival of Books last weekend that she was “really scared of dating right now.”
She continued, “I’ve had, you know, two — I’m just scared.”
Bertinelli told Fox News Digital at the panel that she realized for the first time through writing her memoir, “Getting Naked,” “I didn’t give myself enough credit for the strength I already had inside me. And that I’m — that I don’t have to listen to people be negative to me.”
The star said that she was “surprised that I was able to learn that. Finally! That I don’t have to listen to people be horrible to me. I don’t have to tolerate intolerable behavior.”
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She added to Fox News Digital that when she wrote her 2022 book “Enough Already” she thought she had learned that lesson, “but I still put up with intolerable behavior after that.”
“It wasn’t until I really dug down and got to the root of my shame and the dark side that I made friends with it,” she said. “Then I thought, ‘Now I’m done. Now I can just say, f— you. That’s it, I’m done. I’m out,’ you know?”
After divorcing her first husband, Eddie Van Halen, in 2007, she married businessman Tom Vitale in 2010. At the end of their marriage, Bertinelli began to refer to Vitale as “the narcissist,” saying that he emotionally abused her, calling her “fat and lazy.”
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She also called being officially divorced from Vitale the “second-best day of my life.”
Bertinelli began dating writer Mike Goodnough in 2024 and said she was in love, but by year’s end, the relationship had fizzled.
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A year ago, Goodnough claimed Bertinelli was “playing a one-woman tennis match thinking there is someone on the other side of the net” after their breakup, accusing her of falsely making his social media posts about herself and “lashes out angrily” at him.
He also accused her of “hostile, dishonest, and uncalled for backhanded swipes.”
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“Valerie is in a war with her ghosts. I’m just the guy who catches the bullets. And that isn’t new,” he added.
After their breakup, Bertinelli said in an Instagram post she had been “irreversibly changed by him for the better” and said that she had “fumbled the last true good man I met.”
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NEW: Justice Alito Abruptly Reverses Course In Key SCOTUS Case
Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito has abruptly withdrawn from one of the most consequential climate-related cases before the high court, leaving just eight justices to decide a dispute that could affect lawsuits seeking billions of dollars from fossil-fuel companies.
The court notified attorneys Monday that Alito “has determined that he will not continue to participate” in *Suncor Energy Inc. v. County Commissioners of Boulder County*.
No explanation was provided for his decision.
The last-minute development comes ahead of arguments in a closely watched Colorado case that could have implications for similar climate lawsuits brought by states and municipalities across the country.
The dispute dates back to 2018, when Boulder County and the City of Boulder sued Exxon Mobil and Suncor Energy in Colorado state court. San Miguel County later joined the litigation.
The municipalities allege the companies contributed to “climate-related harms” through decades of fossil-fuel production, refining and sales, along with what the plaintiffs describe as “concealment or misrepresentation” concerning the risks associated with their products.
They are seeking damages under Colorado state law for costs they attribute to climate change, including flooding, wildfire risks, drought and damage to public infrastructure.
The energy companies argue that the claims cannot proceed under state tort law because federal law governs interstate air pollution and because allowing individual states to regulate conduct tied to global emissions raises constitutional concerns.
After years of litigation over where and how the case could proceed, the Colorado Supreme Court allowed the lawsuit to move forward.
The U.S. Supreme Court subsequently agreed to hear the dispute.
The stakes extend far beyond Colorado.
Similar lawsuits have been filed against fossil-fuel producers by states and local governments seeking compensation for climate-related costs. The Supreme Court’s eventual decision could therefore shape how those cases proceed.
Alito’s withdrawal is particularly notable because he previously recused himself from an earlier petition arising from the same Colorado litigation in 2023.
He has also stepped aside from other energy-related cases.
When the Supreme Court agreed to hear the current Suncor appeal, however, a court spokesperson said in May that Alito “does not have a financial interest in any party” and that the court’s legal counsel had determined recusal was not required.
Alito does not own stock in Exxon Mobil or Suncor.
His most recent financial disclosure does list individual investments in other energy companies, including ConocoPhillips and Phillips 66, which are defendants in separate climate-related litigation.
Advocacy groups had argued that those investments, combined with the potential industry-wide implications of the Suncor case, raised questions under the Supreme Court’s Code of Conduct.
The code states that a justice should recuse when the justice’s impartiality might reasonably be questioned or when the justice has a financial interest in the subject matter in controversy.
But justices generally are not required to explain why they recuse themselves, and Alito has not publicly stated what prompted his decision in this case.
His absence could have a significant procedural consequence.
Only eight justices will now participate. If the court divides 4-4, the Colorado Supreme Court’s ruling would remain in place without establishing a nationwide Supreme Court precedent.
The remaining court includes five conservative justices and three liberal justices, although ideological alignment does not necessarily determine how individual justices will approach the federal-preemption questions presented in the case.
Alito had been viewed by some legal observers as potentially receptive to the companies’ argument that federal law prevents states from using their own tort laws to impose liability over emissions associated with global climate change.
His decision to step aside removes one vote from the case before arguments even begin.
What remains unexplained is why.
The court’s notification says only that Alito “has determined that he will not continue to participate,” leaving the reason for his withdrawal undisclosed as the justices prepare to hear a case with potential consequences for climate litigation nationwide.
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National Emergency Declared — Trump Called In
Five men have been arrested in a suspected terror plot near one of America’s most strategically important bomber hubs in Britain, triggering an intensive counterterrorism investigation and renewed security concerns surrounding U.S. military installations overseas.
British authorities launched the investigation after police received a report shortly before 1 a.m. Sunday about three suspicious vehicles apparently traveling toward RAF Fairford.
Armed officers descended on the nearby Whelford area and arrested five men initially on suspicion of explosives offenses. Authorities subsequently arrested the suspects on suspicion of preparing a terrorist act under Section 5 of Britain’s Terrorism Act.
All five are British nationals from London in their early twenties, police said Monday.
Investigators are now working to determine what the men allegedly intended to do, their motive and whether anyone else — including a foreign actor — played a role.
RAF Fairford is owned by Britain but serves as a strategically important operating location for the U.S. Air Force, including American long-range bombers.
The installation has taken on increased importance amid U.S. military operations involving Iran and the broader Middle East.
Former Defense Intelligence Agency official Andrew Badger said the circumstances surrounding the arrests immediately stood out.
Five suspects traveling in three separate vehicles, he argued, could indicate investigators are dealing with something more coordinated than an isolated individual.
“This isn’t just some type of amateur lone wolf operation,” Badger told Fox News Digital while discussing the investigation.
Badger also predicted the incident could lead to tougher security measures at American military facilities.
“We are going to see elevated security protocols,” he said.
The potential target is significant.
American B-1B Lancers and B-52 Stratofortresses have operated from RAF Fairford, providing the United States with a European location capable of supporting long-range strategic bomber missions.
Its reinforced runway stretches nearly two miles and is capable of handling some of America’s largest military aircraft.
President Donald Trump addressed the arrests Sunday and said American and British authorities had worked together in connection with the incident.
“They were looking to do big damage to our fort,” Trump told reporters.
Trump also praised cooperation between the United States and Britain following the arrests.
British authorities have been considerably more cautious about assigning a motive.
Investigators are still trying to establish what happened and why. Possible foreign involvement is reportedly among the avenues being examined, but authorities have not publicly concluded that Iran — or any other government — directed the alleged plot.
Iran’s embassy in London denied involvement Monday amid speculation surrounding the arrests.
Investigators are reportedly examining several possible motives, including potential Iranian links, Russian sabotage and Islamist extremism. None of those possibilities has been publicly established as the cause of the suspected plot.
The Iranian connection has drawn particular attention because of recent tensions surrounding military installations supporting operations against Tehran.
Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps warned in July that bases supporting attacks against Iranian territory could become military targets.
Britain had previously authorized American forces to use Fairford for certain operations against Iranian missile positions.
Security around the installation had reportedly already been increased.
Local councilor Tristan Wilkinson told Reuters that surveillance was stepped up following a specific Iranian threat roughly six weeks before Sunday’s arrests.
Authorities have not publicly established any connection between that earlier threat and the five suspects.
The response on the ground was substantial.
Approximately 85 households were evacuated while authorities established a roughly 400-meter security cordon as specialists examined vehicles connected with the investigation.
Reports indicated that a local farmer alerted authorities after spotting three large white vans and suspicious activity near the military installation. Hooded and masked individuals were reportedly seen running toward nearby fields.
Former Trump White House official Morgan Murphy said American agencies would likely be working closely with British investigators as authorities attempt to determine whether the alleged operation extended beyond the five suspects.
Murphy pointed to Air Force investigators, U.S. intelligence personnel and FBI officials stationed in London as among those who could become involved.
Investigators are likely to examine communications, financial transactions and other records for evidence of additional connections, he said.
The area contains another strategically important American military facility as well.
Nearby RAF Welford houses a major U.S. weapons and ammunition storage operation supporting American forces in Britain and across the European theater.
For now, the most important questions remain unanswered: what the five men allegedly planned, whether RAF Fairford was their intended target, and whether anyone else was behind them.
British counterterrorism authorities continue to investigate, and no foreign government or organization has been publicly identified by police as responsible for the suspected plot.
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Seat Officially Flipped After HUGE Win and Election Upset
Republicans were dealt a surprise blow in one of Pennsylvania’s most reliably red state House districts after Democrat Brandon Dukes pulled off a razor-thin special-election upset in territory President Donald Trump carried by more than 18 points.
But the fight isn’t over.
Dukes defeated Republican Scott Timko by just 88 votes in Pennsylvania’s 12th House District in Butler County, flipping a seat Republicans had controlled for decades.
Now Republicans will get an immediate opportunity to take it back when Dukes and Timko face each other again in November.
The special-election result immediately drew attention because of just how Republican the district has historically been.
Trump carried the district by more than 18 percentage points in the 2024 presidential election, while former Republican state Rep. Stephenie Scialabba won the district by roughly 30 points that same year.
Scialabba’s resignation earlier this year created the vacancy and triggered the special election.
Dukes’ victory broke a Republican hold on the seat dating back decades and gave Democrats a significant pickup just months before the November midterms.
But Republicans are pointing to one major factor that could make the rematch very different: turnout.
Participation in the special election was unusually low, producing an electorate far smaller than the one expected to vote in November.
That leaves both parties preparing for a dramatically different contest when a much larger group of voters returns to the polls for the general election.
The Pennsylvania House Republican Campaign Committee made clear that it considers Tuesday’s result only the first round.
“The General Election starts today with Scott Timko reaching out to voters, building a winning coalition, and holding Brandon Dukes accountable for his extreme positions that he continues to hide from voters.”
The special-election reporting did not specify which positions Republicans were referring to.
Pennsylvania House Republican Leader Jesse Topper also sought to put the loss in perspective, describing the result as “disappointing but unsurprising” while pointing to changing demographics, the summertime election date and the unpredictable nature of special-election turnout.
“There is much more yet to unfold in the final months of the 2026 election cycle and we will continue carrying out vision for positive growth in Pennsylvania through November,” he said.
The district itself underscores why the result is attracting attention.
Pennsylvania’s 12th House District covers portions of Butler County north of Pittsburgh, including Cranberry, Adams and Jackson townships and several surrounding communities. Republicans also hold a substantial voter-registration advantage in the district.
Yet Dukes managed to overcome those structural advantages in the low-turnout special election and capture the seat by fewer than 100 votes.
The result gives Democrats control of a district that had long been considered safe Republican territory — at least for now.
Republicans will have their chance to reverse the upset on November 3, when Timko and Dukes meet again to determine who will represent the district for a full two-year term beginning in 2027.
With the special election decided by only 88 votes, the rematch is shaping up to be a closely watched Pennsylvania House contest heading into November.
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