Latest
Hey, restaurants: do us all a huge favor and stop serving your food on planks of wood
It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time to tuck a napkin into our shirts and get to complainin’ in an all-new edition of The Gripe Report.
And this week, we’re talking about one of my favorite topics: food.
I know. Surprising given my chilled, Herculean physique and higher-than-average cholesterol.
I love food. In fact, I love it so much I actually eat it several times a day.
However, like anything, I have a lot of thoughts about it, and while we’ve touched on food in Gripe Reports past, I think everyone appreciates a good round of food gripes because we all experience food.
If you didn’t, you’d die. You don’t really get much of a choice in the matter.
So what do you say? Grab yourself a beverage and maybe throw on some sweatpants because we’re about to whip up a big bowl of complaints.
CLICK HERE FOR MORE OUTKICK CULTURE COVERAGE
Like a great many of you, we got some baked beans for our Memorial Day cookout. Now, those come in different flavors, many of which taste alike.
We had some like maple-y ones, and if you blindfolded me and gave me another flavor, I’m not sure I could tell the difference.
But, recently, the folks at Bush’s — they of talking dog commercial fame — uncorked this triumvirate of unholy bean flavors.
I’ll be honest, apple pie could work and dill pickle piques my interest, but rocket pop?
I hate that this is a thing now.
Companies seem to just sit around and go, “Hey, what if we made Pop-Tarts that taste like jerky?” then they do, and everyone’s like, “Whoa, that’s f-–ked up. Beef jerky Pop-Tarts,” and then maybe a couple people buy them to make a video and go viral.
Other than that, they just go away.
Call me old-fashioned; I like when things taste like what they are. I like coffee that tastes like coffee and beer that tastes like beer.
That’s my biggest problem with craft beer. Places are like, “Hey, try this beer; it tastes like Twizzlers,” instead of just making beer that tastes like a good beer.
It’s a fad, and will fortunately fall by the wayside like Pet Rocks and clear electronics (I kind of miss that one though the see-through N64 hit different).
I’m not going to lie, I’ve got mixed feelings about brunch.
On one hand, I love that it is basically a food all-star game.
Ever wonder what would happen if waffles played on a line with a club sandwich and a bowl of lobster bisque?
Well, brunch lets you find out.
But, like all good things, it has been bastardized to the point of not being worth your time.
For starters, I feel like brunch reservations are always hard to get, and that’s all because you get table after table of women playing dress-up, taking up space so they can snap photos of themselves with mimosas.
No one cares. Literally no one cares.
You’re just taking up space from the real heroes: those of us who have to make the Sophie’s choice of having eggs or a burger.
Eh, screw it, throw the egg on the burger.
I want to go back to the salad days of brunch (don’t waste your appetite on salad, but the way). I did a cruise recently and was chasing bites of waffle with bites of gorgonzola and grape pizza.
Now that is brunch. The only rule is that there are no rules.
I like an avocado, but buying those things is the absolute bane of my existence.
If you’re in the market for avocados, there’s at least a 50% chance that you should just save yourself some time and throw a few dollars down the garbage disposal.
There are really only two scenarios: you’ll either get an avocado that is about as hard as a diamond or one that feels like it’s full of pudding.
There is no in-between.
I always opt for the diamond-hard ones, because those will at least, in theory, make their way into the edible range.
The issue is that this window is small. Practically microscopic.
On more than one occasion, I have looked at an avocado sitting in the fruit dish on the counter, and said, “Okay, tomorrow, you will be perfect and are going on a turkey club or in a salad or on toast. You will be consumed in some manner.”
I go to bed, wake up, go downstairs, and that same avocado I was planning on eating is now some brown, rancid mess.
I know no one likes genetically modified anything, but I think the genetics on avocados could maybe use some gussying up. Maybe fix that turns them to s–t while I’m sleeping.
My wife and I went to one of our favorite Mexican joints a couple nights ago.
One of the greatest things about being married that no one tells you about is counter-ordering. I asked my wife what she was ordering, and she said the birria tacos. This was great because that was one thing I wanted, but I also wanted the grouper tacos.
I love grouper. Those big ugly sumbitches are tasty.
So, I knew I was getting both because my wife didn’t finish hers.
The only problem was her birria tacos were served on a plank, which we both hate.
Why do restaurants do this? It’s always “hip” restaurants too, and this was one of those. Are they too cool for a plate?
Usually these planks come with fries in a little metal cup and cost like $30 because it’s a “craft burger.”
I feel like this started with sandwiches and has now made its way south of the border. Sure, things you eat with your hands aren’t a huge problem, but this plank included a little domed igloo of Mexican rice.
It’s so hard to eat anything like that off of a plank because they lack the raised edges that plates have, which aid in getting things on your fork and keeping debris from getting all over the table.
ZERO BS. JUST DAKICH. TAKE THE DON’T @ ME PODCAST ON THE ROAD. DOWNLOAD NOW!
I’ve been served turkey clubs with shredded lettuce on planks, and when I’m done, there’s so much shredded lettuce on the table, it looks like I tried to cut it with a weed whacker.
So, if you’re ever in a restaurant and hear a loud groan, it’s probably me, and whatever I ordered just arrived on a plank.
…
That’s it for this week’s edition of The Gripe Report!
Be sure to send your gripes to [email protected] for a future edition!
Latest
JUST IN: Horrific Terror Plot Targeted At Trump THWARTED
A Texas man is in federal custody after authorities say they disrupted an alleged plot to carry out a shooting at the Texas State Capitol—just one day before President Donald Trump was scheduled to visit the state.
Benny Caldera Jr., 40, of Converse, was initially arrested early Wednesday on a felony charge of making a terroristic threat against a public servant after investigators received what authorities described as “credible information about an individual planning a violent attack.”
According to an arrest affidavit cited by NBC 5, a friend told investigators that Caldera had threatened to shoot up the Texas Capitol and made alarming statements about people associated with the American Israel Public Affairs Committee, or AIPAC.
The friend reportedly told investigators that Caldera said people associated with the prominent pro-Israel organization needed to be exterminated.
Authorities say the alleged attack was planned for Thursday, Oct. 1—the same day Trump was scheduled to visit Texas.
The warning set off an overnight law-enforcement operation.
The Texas Department of Public Safety said it received information about the alleged plot Tuesday evening and immediately began working with the FBI and local authorities.
Investigators worked through the night.
By approximately 3 a.m. Wednesday, SWAT officers had moved in on Caldera’s Converse home and taken him into custody.
He was booked into the Bexar County Jail on the state terroristic-threat charge, with bond initially set at $75,000.
But Caldera wasn’t going home.
After reports circulated suggesting he had been released on bond, DPS publicly pushed back, saying he remained in custody.
The FBI then arrested Caldera at the jail Wednesday evening on additional federal charges connected to the alleged plot, according to DPS.
He was transferred into federal custody.
“The department said he is not out on bond,” according to the account of the case.
The specific federal charges against Caldera had not yet been publicly disclosed.
NBC 5 also reported that Bexar County court records show Caldera was previously charged with unlicensed carrying of a weapon in November 2023. The reported account did not provide the ultimate disposition of that case.
News of the alleged plot quickly reached state lawmakers.
Texas legislators were notified Wednesday about both the threat and Caldera’s arrest as authorities increased security around one of the state’s most prominent government buildings.
Despite the alleged threat, the Texas State Capitol remained open during its normal operating hours with heightened security measures in place.
Authorities stressed that they do not currently believe the public remains in danger.
DPS said there is no reason to believe an ongoing threat exists against the Capitol, lawmakers, employees or members of the public.
The investigation remains active.
The timeline, however, underscores how quickly authorities say the situation escalated: investigators received information about an alleged violent attack Tuesday evening, worked through the night and had a suspect in custody by approximately 3 a.m.
Hours later, the FBI stepped in and took Caldera into federal custody.
The alleged target was the Texas State Capitol.
And according to authorities, the planned date was Oct. 1—the same day a sitting president was scheduled to visit the state.
Border & Security
Trump Admin Caught Colluding With Iran-Backed Terrorists
A Department of Energy electrical engineer has been arrested on a stunning federal terrorism charge after investigators accused him of attempting to help the Iran-backed Houthis with technical expertise, drone components and materials associated with the production of explosives.
Ashton Hamed Ellaboudy, 51, of Richland, Washington, was arrested Thursday and charged with attempting to provide material support or resources to a designated foreign terrorist organization.
Federal prosecutors allege Ellaboudy was employed by the Department of Energy while using his specialized electrical engineering knowledge in an effort to assist the Houthis.
The allegations immediately drew a blistering response from the Justice Department.
“As alleged, a U.S. government employee traveled overseas and used his specialized expertise in an attempt to aid the Houthis, a designated Foreign Terrorist Organization backed by Iran,” said Assistant Attorney General for National Security John A. Eisenberg. “Additionally, Ellaboudy acquired materials for the construction of explosive material and drones capable of delivering these explosives. These allegations are so deeply disturbing that they almost defy imagination.”
According to the criminal complaint, the FBI’s investigation began after authorities learned Ellaboudy had allegedly purchased precursor chemicals, components and other materials commonly associated with homemade explosive devices.
Investigators also discovered purchases of components used to build drones and remotely operated aerial systems, prosecutors said.
But the allegations extend far beyond purchases made inside the United States.
Federal authorities say Ellaboudy traveled from Washington state to Oman in September 2025 before crossing into Yemen using an official passport previously issued to him while he worked for the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.
According to a release from the U.S. Department of Justice, a 51 year old former employee of the Department of Energy, Ashton Hamed Ellaboudy, was arrested and charged with attempting to provide material support to the Yemeni Houthis, who are a designated terrorist organization.… pic.twitter.com/lhySGgETbV
— OSINTdefender (@sentdefender) October 1, 2026
According to the FBI, Ellaboudy intended to reach Sanaa, Yemen’s Houthi-controlled capital.
He ultimately failed to make it there.
When Ellaboudy returned to the United States, prosecutors allege he told Customs and Border Protection officers that his overseas trip had been official government business.
Investigators say that story didn’t hold up.
Ellaboudy’s Department of Energy supervisor later told authorities that he had no authorized government travel to the region and had not been assigned to the missile inspection mission Ellaboudy allegedly described, according to court records.
Federal investigators further allege Ellaboudy admitted to FBI informants that he had been smuggled into and out of Yemen and hoped to establish high-level connections inside the country.
The investigation then took another turn.
Ellaboudy began communicating with an FBI confidential source who purported to be working for a Houthi “Colonel,” according to prosecutors.
Authorities allege Ellaboudy subsequently put his engineering expertise to work.
He allegedly helped test and modify solar power generators and communications equipment intended for a mobile communications center.
Prosecutors say he also supplied diagrams, technical guidance and research involving equipment that could potentially enhance Houthi communications capabilities.
Investigators have also scrutinized Ellaboudy’s previous acquisition and handling of chemicals.
The Justice Department said authorities learned that in 2024 Ellaboudy took sick leave from his government position after reporting exposure to highly concentrated nitric acid.
Nitric acid has legitimate industrial and scientific applications but can also be used in producing certain explosive materials.
Taken together, federal prosecutors allege the engineer’s activities amounted to an attempt to provide material support to the Houthis.
The Houthis, formally known as Ansar Allah, control significant portions of Yemen and have received support from Iran. The United States has designated the organization as a foreign terrorist organization.
Ellaboudy now faces up to 20 years in federal prison if convicted.
The case puts a particularly striking element at the center of the government’s allegations: prosecutors aren’t accusing an ordinary private citizen of simply attempting to make contact with a foreign terrorist organization.
They allege a U.S. government engineer attempted to use specialized technical expertise—and acquire materials involving drones and explosives—to help one.
Ellaboudy has been charged, not convicted, and is presumed innocent unless and until proven guilty in court.
Latest
First Republican Congresswoman From Deep Blue State Dead
Former Republican Congresswoman Patricia “Pat” Saiki, a trailblazing Hawaii lawmaker who made history as the first Republican elected to represent the state in the U.S. House following statehood, has died at 96.
Saiki died of natural causes at her Honolulu home on September 30, according to her son, Stuart Saiki.
Her death closes a remarkable chapter in Hawaii politics spanning decades and encompassing service in Congress, the state legislature and the administration of President George H.W. Bush.
Born Patricia Fukuda in Hilo on May 28, 1930, Saiki graduated from Hilo High School before earning her degree from the University of Hawaii in 1952.
Politics wasn’t initially her chosen career.
Saiki began as an educator, teaching at several schools before becoming involved in organizing Hawaii’s first teachers’ union.
Her move into elected office came in 1968, when she won a seat in the Hawaii House of Representatives.
She served there for six years before winning election to the state Senate in 1974, where she remained until 1982.
Following an unsuccessful campaign for lieutenant governor, Saiki took over as chairwoman of the Hawaii Republican Party and worked to expand the party’s membership in a state that was already becoming increasingly difficult terrain for Republicans.
Then came the breakthrough that would define her political legacy.
In 1986, Saiki won election to Congress, becoming the first Republican elected to the U.S. House from Hawaii since the islands became a state in 1959.
She was also only the second woman to represent Hawaii in Congress.
Her death prompted tributes from across Hawaii’s political establishment.
Gov. Josh Green ordered American and state flags lowered to half-staff beginning Friday, October 2, through sunrise Monday, October 5.
“Pat Saiki’s six decades of public service and her pioneering example for young women and Asian Americans in Hawaiʻi and across the U.S., combine to form both a lasting, inspiring legacy and a high bar for all of us who serve the public,” Green said in a statement.
Democratic Rep. Ed Case, who represents Hawaii’s 1st Congressional District, also paid tribute to Saiki, crediting her with breaking political barriers and establishing an example for future generations of public servants.
Saiki’s impact extended far beyond her historic election.
During her two terms in Washington, she helped secure Republican support for legislation authorizing an official apology and financial compensation for Japanese Americans incarcerated by the federal government during World War II.
She also became an advocate for environmental protections in Hawaii.
In 1990, Saiki successfully urged President George H.W. Bush to halt the U.S. Navy’s use of Kahoʻolawe as a military bombing range.
Her career in Washington took another turn that same year when she left the House to challenge Democrat Daniel Akaka for a U.S. Senate seat.
Saiki lost the race, but her federal service wasn’t finished.
Bush subsequently appointed her administrator of the Small Business Administration, where she served from 1991 until 1993.
She later taught at Harvard University’s Institute of Politics before returning to Hawaii politics for another statewide campaign.
In 1994, Saiki ran unsuccessfully for governor against Democrat Ben Cayetano.
Although a Republican, Saiki maintained moderate positions on several social issues, including abortion rights, and developed a reputation for working across party lines on legislation affecting Hawaii.
Behind the political milestones was also a mother raising five children.
Her son Stuart remembered Saiki as someone who refused to allow the demands of public office to completely overtake her responsibilities at home.
Even while serving in the legislature, he recalled, she continued helping her children with homework and handling the responsibilities of raising a family.
Saiki was preceded in death by her husband, Stanley, and their eldest son, Stanley Jr.
She is survived by four children—Stuart, Sandra, Margaret and Laurie—as well as her grandchildren.
Saiki’s career ultimately stretched from Hawaii classrooms to the state legislature, from Capitol Hill to a presidential administration.
But her place in Hawaii political history was secured in 1986.
Nearly three decades after Hawaii entered the Union, Patricia Saiki accomplished something no Republican before her had managed in the new state: win election to represent Hawaii in the United States House of Representatives.
She was 96.
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