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Hey, restaurants: do us all a huge favor and stop serving your food on planks of wood

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It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time to tuck a napkin into our shirts and get to complainin’ in an all-new edition of The Gripe Report.

And this week, we’re talking about one of my favorite topics: food.

I know. Surprising given my chilled, Herculean physique and higher-than-average cholesterol.

I love food. In fact, I love it so much I actually eat it several times a day.

However, like anything, I have a lot of thoughts about it, and while we’ve touched on food in Gripe Reports past, I think everyone appreciates a good round of food gripes because we all experience food.

If you didn’t, you’d die. You don’t really get much of a choice in the matter.

So what do you say? Grab yourself a beverage and maybe throw on some sweatpants because we’re about to whip up a big bowl of complaints.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE OUTKICK CULTURE COVERAGE

Like a great many of you, we got some baked beans for our Memorial Day cookout. Now, those come in different flavors, many of which taste alike. 

We had some like maple-y ones, and if you blindfolded me and gave me another flavor, I’m not sure I could tell the difference.

But, recently, the folks at Bush’s — they of talking dog commercial fame — uncorked this triumvirate of unholy bean flavors.

I’ll be honest, apple pie could work and dill pickle piques my interest, but rocket pop?

I hate that this is a thing now.

Companies seem to just sit around and go, “Hey, what if we made Pop-Tarts that taste like jerky?” then they do, and everyone’s like, “Whoa, that’s f-–ked up. Beef jerky Pop-Tarts,” and then maybe a couple people buy them to make a video and go viral.

Other than that, they just go away.

Call me old-fashioned; I like when things taste like what they are. I like coffee that tastes like coffee and beer that tastes like beer.

That’s my biggest problem with craft beer. Places are like, “Hey, try this beer; it tastes like Twizzlers,” instead of just making beer that tastes like a good beer.

It’s a fad, and will fortunately fall by the wayside like Pet Rocks and clear electronics (I kind of miss that one though the see-through N64 hit different).

I’m not going to lie, I’ve got mixed feelings about brunch.

On one hand, I love that it is basically a food all-star game.

Ever wonder what would happen if waffles played on a line with a club sandwich and a bowl of lobster bisque?

Well, brunch lets you find out.

But, like all good things, it has been bastardized to the point of not being worth your time.

For starters, I feel like brunch reservations are always hard to get, and that’s all because you get table after table of women playing dress-up, taking up space so they can snap photos of themselves with mimosas.

No one cares. Literally no one cares.

You’re just taking up space from the real heroes: those of us who have to make the Sophie’s choice of having eggs or a burger.

Eh, screw it, throw the egg on the burger.

I want to go back to the salad days of brunch (don’t waste your appetite on salad, but the way). I did a cruise recently and was chasing bites of waffle with bites of gorgonzola and grape pizza.

Now that is brunch. The only rule is that there are no rules.

I like an avocado, but buying those things is the absolute bane of my existence.

If you’re in the market for avocados, there’s at least a 50% chance that you should just save yourself some time and throw a few dollars down the garbage disposal.

There are really only two scenarios: you’ll either get an avocado that is about as hard as a diamond or one that feels like it’s full of pudding.

There is no in-between.

I always opt for the diamond-hard ones, because those will at least, in theory, make their way into the edible range. 

The issue is that this window is small. Practically microscopic.

On more than one occasion, I have looked at an avocado sitting in the fruit dish on the counter, and said, “Okay, tomorrow, you will be perfect and are going on a turkey club or in a salad or on toast. You will be consumed in some manner.”

I go to bed, wake up, go downstairs, and that same avocado I was planning on eating is now some brown, rancid mess.

I know no one likes genetically modified anything, but I think the genetics on avocados could maybe use some gussying up. Maybe fix that turns them to s–t while I’m sleeping.

My wife and I went to one of our favorite Mexican joints a couple nights ago. 

One of the greatest things about being married that no one tells you about is counter-ordering. I asked my wife what she was ordering, and she said the birria tacos. This was great because that was one thing I wanted, but I also wanted the grouper tacos. 

I love grouper. Those big ugly sumbitches are tasty.

So, I knew I was getting both because my wife didn’t finish hers.

The only problem was her birria tacos were served on a plank, which we both hate.

Why do restaurants do this? It’s always “hip” restaurants too, and this was one of those. Are they too cool for a plate?

Usually these planks come with fries in a little metal cup and cost like $30 because it’s a “craft burger.”

I feel like this started with sandwiches and has now made its way south of the border. Sure, things you eat with your hands aren’t a huge problem, but this plank included a little domed igloo of Mexican rice.

It’s so hard to eat anything like that off of a plank because they lack the raised edges that plates have, which aid in getting things on your fork and keeping debris from getting all over the table.

ZERO BS. JUST DAKICH. TAKE THE DON’T @ ME PODCAST ON THE ROAD. DOWNLOAD NOW!

I’ve been served turkey clubs with shredded lettuce on planks, and when I’m done, there’s so much shredded lettuce on the table, it looks like I tried to cut it with a weed whacker.

So, if you’re ever in a restaurant and hear a loud groan, it’s probably me, and whatever I ordered just arrived on a plank.

That’s it for this week’s edition of The Gripe Report!

Be sure to send your gripes to [email protected] for a future edition!

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Tucker Carlson Officially Makes Shock Announcement — He’s Out

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Tucker Carlson Officially Makes Shock Announcement — He’s Out

A growing divide within the conservative movement is becoming increasingly difficult to ignore, as longtime commentator Tucker Carlson declared that he no longer considers himself a Republican, citing frustration with what he sees as the party’s abandonment of its America First roots.

Carlson made the remarks during a podcast appearance with hosts Travis Dhanraj and Karman Wong, where the discussion turned to the political landscape ahead of the upcoming midterm elections and whether voters remain satisfied with the direction of the Republican Party.

While Carlson made clear that he remains aligned with many conservative principles, he argued that some Republican leaders have drifted away from the priorities that helped fuel President Donald Trump’s rise and transformed the GOP into the dominant force it is today.

“I’m out,” Carlson said during the interview.

“And if I’m out, then I think a lot of other people are out.”

Carlson’s comments came as he discussed polling data and voter sentiment ahead of the next election cycle.

“I would not support the Republican party. There’s no chance I would support the Republican party,” he said.

The former Fox News host argued that certain Republican lawmakers had betrayed their voters by supporting policies he believes put foreign interests ahead of American priorities.

“How could I or any American voter support a political party that’s not loyal to the United States? That puts the interests of a foreign country above those of its own citizens?

“It’s not possible to vote for people like that, and I’m not going to.”

Carlson’s remarks highlight a growing debate inside conservative circles over the future direction of the Republican Party.

At the center of the disagreement is not President Trump himself, but rather how some Republicans have approached foreign policy, military intervention, and America’s role overseas.

Trump built his political movement on the promise of putting American interests first, securing the border, rebuilding the economy, restoring energy independence, and avoiding the endless foreign conflicts that frustrated many voters for decades.

Many of Trump’s supporters continue to view the America First agenda as one of the defining achievements of his political movement.

Carlson suggested that some Republicans have lost sight of those principles.

“I think I’ve voted Republican my entire life,” Carlson said.

“I’ve been a consistent defender for 35 years, of the Republican party. I mean, a very consistent defender.”

“But there’s no defending this because it’s immoral and it’s exactly the opposite of what a political party in a democracy is charged with doing — which is representing its own voters, its own citizens, its own nation.”

“And they’re not doing that,” Carlson concluded.

The comments come amid an ongoing debate among conservatives regarding foreign policy, particularly following recent tensions involving Iran and the broader Middle East.

Carlson has been one of the most vocal advocates of a non-interventionist approach that emphasizes American interests above foreign entanglements. Other conservatives, including commentators and lawmakers aligned with a more traditional hawkish worldview, have argued that a strong American presence abroad remains necessary to protect national security.

The disagreement intensified after military operations involving Iran earlier this year, with Carlson and several other prominent voices warning against policies they believe could lead to deeper involvement in overseas conflicts.

Despite those disagreements, Carlson has generally continued to support many of Trump’s domestic policies, including border security, immigration enforcement, energy production, and efforts to prioritize American workers and taxpayers.

The broader divide illustrates the ongoing evolution of the Republican Party under Trump’s influence.

For decades, the GOP was largely defined by traditional establishment conservatives who favored aggressive foreign policy and intervention abroad. Trump’s rise fundamentally reshaped that coalition, bringing millions of working-class voters, independents, and populist conservatives into the party.

Today, debates like the one Carlson has raised reflect a larger question facing Republicans: how closely the party will adhere to the America First principles that helped fuel Trump’s political success.

Whether Carlson ultimately returns to the Republican fold remains to be seen. But his comments underscore a reality that many political observers have noted in recent years: the future of the conservative movement is increasingly being shaped by debates over foreign policy, national sovereignty, and what it truly means to put America first.

As those discussions continue, one thing remains clear: the America First movement that transformed Republican politics is still driving much of the conversation inside the conservative movement today.

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Top Fox News Host Suffers Deranged Meltdown On LIVE TV — Doesn’t End Well…

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Top Fox News Host Suffers Deranged Meltdown On LIVE TV — Doesn’t End Well…

A growing divide within the conservative movement spilled into public view this weekend as Fox News host Mark Levin launched a blistering attack on President Donald Trump’s Iran strategy, accusing the administration of pressuring Israel while pursuing a diplomatic agreement designed to permanently prevent Iran from obtaining a nuclear weapon.

The dispute comes as the Trump administration continues negotiations with Tehran following a series of devastating military strikes that crippled Iran’s nuclear infrastructure, eliminated key regime leaders, and left the Islamic Republic in one of the weakest positions it has faced in decades.

President Trump and Vice President JD Vance have argued that the administration is negotiating from a position of overwhelming strength after demonstrating a willingness to use military force when necessary. Their goal, they say, is simple: ensure Iran never obtains a nuclear weapon while avoiding another endless war in the Middle East.

Levin, however, remains deeply skeptical.

During a fiery monologue that lasted more than 17 minutes on Saturday, the longtime conservative commentator accused members of the administration of unfairly targeting Israel while becoming too optimistic about Iran’s intentions.

“I want to say to people in and out of the administration: stop trashing, smearing, bullying the little state of Israel. Stop cozying up to and telling us that the enemy regime in Iran is now more rational, more moderate, and a regime that we can deal with,” Levin demanded. “When just a few months ago they slaughtered 50,000 people, they’re still hanging young people today and, if they had a nuclear missile today, they’d fire it into our country as sure as I’m alive.”

Levin also rejected any suggestion that Israel should allow outside governments to dictate its security decisions.

“I don’t know what’s going on, but if people think they can bully a little country, Israel — a people that have existed 4,000 years through the Babylonians and the Persians, through the Romans and the Third Reich — into surrendering their defense and their decision on how to secure their country, they get another thing coming,” Levin continued. “I think it’s outrageous.”

The criticism did not stop there.

Levin also used social media to question several administration policies, including reports surrounding a Boeing 747 gifted by Qatar and modified for use supporting presidential airlift operations.

“If it’s legal and other countries do it so be it. Do you think wealthy countries should be able to lavish gifts on our government?” Levin wrote.

His sharpest criticism, however, focused on the administration’s efforts to secure a broader peace agreement with Iran and its proxies.

“Item #1 in the MOU provides there’s an immediate and permanent end to the war and that includes Hezbollah in Lebanon. Iran is Hezbollah,” Levin posted. “What’s the enforcement mechanism? Nothing. Israel defends itself after constant attacks from Hezbollah and is admonished for it. Its interests are not aligned with ours, we’re told. It’s endangering the peace deal. This is beyond nuts.”

In another post, Levin argued that current ceasefire efforts were coming at Israel’s expense.

“Apparently as long as Israeli soldiers are killed the ceasefire is holding,” Levin claimed.

The administration has strongly rejected suggestions that it is abandoning Israel or weakening its support for America’s closest ally in the Middle East.

President Trump responded directly Sunday with a warning aimed squarely at Iran and its regional proxies.

“Iran must immediately stop their highly paid PROXIES in Lebanon from causing trouble. If they don’t, we’ll hit Iran very hard again, just like we did last week, only harder!!!” Trump posted on Truth Social.

For supporters of the administration, that message demonstrates exactly why they remain confident in Trump’s approach. They argue that no modern president has shown a greater willingness to confront Iran militarily while simultaneously seeking a diplomatic resolution that serves American interests.

Vice President JD Vance and Secretary of State Marco Rubio have both emphasized that any final agreement would require Iran to permanently abandon its nuclear ambitions, submit to extensive inspections, and comply with strict verification requirements before receiving any economic benefits.

Administration officials also note that no sanctions have been lifted, no frozen assets have been released, and no direct payments have been authorized.

Instead, they argue that Trump has successfully put Iran in a position where the regime must choose between compliance and continued isolation.

The disagreement highlights a broader debate that has been developing inside the Republican Party for years.

Traditional foreign-policy hawks often favor maintaining maximum military pressure and remain deeply skeptical of negotiations with hostile regimes.

Trump’s America First coalition generally supports overwhelming military strength but prefers leveraging that strength into favorable deals that avoid long-term military entanglements.

Supporters of the president argue that Trump’s strategy reflects the same formula that has defined much of his foreign policy: peace through strength.

Strike hard when necessary. Demonstrate unquestionable resolve. Negotiate from a position of power. And avoid the costly nation-building efforts and endless conflicts that frustrated many Americans for decades.

As negotiations continue, the debate between Levin and the Trump administration reflects a larger question facing conservatives: how best to secure American interests abroad while staying true to the America First principles that have reshaped the Republican Party.

For now, President Trump appears committed to proving that military strength and diplomacy are not opposing strategies—but complementary tools for achieving lasting peace and protecting America’s national security.

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It’s Over! The House Votes 396-13 — Trump Just Won!

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It’s Over! The House Votes 396-13 — Trump Just Won!

In a rare display of bipartisan cooperation, the U.S. House of Representatives overwhelmingly passed the amended 21st Century ROAD to Housing Act this week, advancing a package of reforms designed to tackle America’s housing affordability crisis while delivering on several key priorities championed by President Donald Trump.

The legislation passed by a decisive 396-13 vote, reflecting broad agreement that soaring housing costs, rising rents, and limited inventory have pushed homeownership out of reach for millions of Americans.

Supporters say the bill addresses one of the country’s most pressing economic challenges by cutting red tape, increasing housing supply, strengthening lending opportunities, and helping ensure that American families—not large corporations—have a fair shot at buying homes.

The legislation combines elements of previous House and Senate proposals and seeks to address housing shortages that have contributed to record-high home prices in many parts of the country.

House Financial Services Committee Chairman French Hill praised the measure as a practical, results-oriented solution focused on expanding opportunities for working Americans.

“This bill prioritizes American families by expanding homeownership, enhancing affordability, reducing burdensome regulations that drive up costs, and increasing housing supply nationwide,” Chairman Hill stated.

“Importantly, it delivers on President Trump’s call to limit institutional investors from competing with the American people as they seek to purchase a home,” Hill added.

The legislation includes a variety of reforms aimed at accelerating housing construction and reducing barriers that have slowed development for years.

Among its key provisions, the bill streamlines federal permitting requirements, reduces lengthy environmental review processes for certain redevelopment and infill housing projects, and encourages innovative housing solutions such as modular and manufactured homes.

The measure also provides grants to local governments willing to modernize zoning laws and remove restrictions that limit new construction.

Supporters argue that restrictive zoning policies, excessive permitting delays, and government bureaucracy have significantly contributed to America’s housing shortage.

Rather than relying on massive new federal spending programs, the legislation focuses on empowering local communities, encouraging private-sector investment, and removing obstacles that make housing more expensive.

The bill also raises loan limits for multifamily housing developments, creating incentives for apartment construction and expanding options for renters and first-time buyers alike.

Additional provisions strengthen rural housing initiatives, expand support for veterans seeking housing, modernize financing for smaller mortgage loans, and increase the role community banks can play in local lending markets.

Community banks have long argued that excessive regulations have made it more difficult for them to serve homebuyers and construction projects in their local communities.

Democratic Rep. Maxine Waters acknowledged the seriousness of the housing crisis despite broader political disagreements.

“America is in the middle of a full-blown affordable housing and homelessness crisis, and working families are burdened by skyrocketing rents and a housing market that is pushing homeownership further out of reach,” Waters said.

One of the most notable aspects of the legislation is its effort to curb the growing influence of large institutional investors in the housing market.

For years, investment firms and corporate landlords have purchased thousands of single-family homes, often outbidding families and first-time homebuyers. Critics argue that this trend has driven up prices while transforming communities into rental markets dominated by large corporations.

The legislation includes targeted restrictions designed to discourage large institutional investors from acquiring additional single-family homes.

That approach aligns closely with President Trump’s housing agenda.

Throughout his second administration, Trump has repeatedly argued that homeownership should remain a cornerstone of the American Dream and that government policies should prioritize families over Wall Street investors.

In his National Homeownership Month proclamation earlier this month, Trump emphasized the importance of restoring affordability and expanding opportunities for future homeowners.

“During National Homeownership Month, my Administration recommits to making housing more affordable so that young Americans and hardworking families can raise children, build memories, and create a future in a home of their own,” Trump said.

The president has frequently blamed the housing crisis on “reckless spending, burdensome regulations, and failed housing policies” implemented under previous administrations, as well as “mass illegal immigration and large institutional investors” that have increased pressure on housing supply.

Trump has also taken executive actions aimed at reducing institutional ownership of single-family homes, lowering mortgage costs, and strengthening federal housing programs.

“Under my leadership, America will be a Nation where homes belong to families — not corporations,” Trump said.

At the same time, Trump has emphasized the importance of protecting the value of homes already owned by millions of Americans.

“I don’t want to drive housing prices down. I want to drive housing prices up for people that own their homes. Existing housing, people who own their homes, we’re going to keep them wealthy. We’re going to keep those prices up. We’re not going to destroy the value of their homes so that somebody that didn’t work very hard can buy a home,” Trump said during a Cabinet meeting earlier this year.

He has also repeatedly summarized his housing philosophy with a simple message:

“Homes are built for people, not for corporations, and America will not become a nation of renters.”

With overwhelming bipartisan support in the House and growing concern over affordability nationwide, supporters hope the legislation will mark a significant step toward restoring homeownership opportunities and ensuring that the American Dream remains within reach for future generations.

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