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Hey, restaurants: do us all a huge favor and stop serving your food on planks of wood

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It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time to tuck a napkin into our shirts and get to complainin’ in an all-new edition of The Gripe Report.

And this week, we’re talking about one of my favorite topics: food.

I know. Surprising given my chilled, Herculean physique and higher-than-average cholesterol.

I love food. In fact, I love it so much I actually eat it several times a day.

However, like anything, I have a lot of thoughts about it, and while we’ve touched on food in Gripe Reports past, I think everyone appreciates a good round of food gripes because we all experience food.

If you didn’t, you’d die. You don’t really get much of a choice in the matter.

So what do you say? Grab yourself a beverage and maybe throw on some sweatpants because we’re about to whip up a big bowl of complaints.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE OUTKICK CULTURE COVERAGE

Like a great many of you, we got some baked beans for our Memorial Day cookout. Now, those come in different flavors, many of which taste alike. 

We had some like maple-y ones, and if you blindfolded me and gave me another flavor, I’m not sure I could tell the difference.

But, recently, the folks at Bush’s — they of talking dog commercial fame — uncorked this triumvirate of unholy bean flavors.

I’ll be honest, apple pie could work and dill pickle piques my interest, but rocket pop?

I hate that this is a thing now.

Companies seem to just sit around and go, “Hey, what if we made Pop-Tarts that taste like jerky?” then they do, and everyone’s like, “Whoa, that’s f-–ked up. Beef jerky Pop-Tarts,” and then maybe a couple people buy them to make a video and go viral.

Other than that, they just go away.

Call me old-fashioned; I like when things taste like what they are. I like coffee that tastes like coffee and beer that tastes like beer.

That’s my biggest problem with craft beer. Places are like, “Hey, try this beer; it tastes like Twizzlers,” instead of just making beer that tastes like a good beer.

It’s a fad, and will fortunately fall by the wayside like Pet Rocks and clear electronics (I kind of miss that one though the see-through N64 hit different).

I’m not going to lie, I’ve got mixed feelings about brunch.

On one hand, I love that it is basically a food all-star game.

Ever wonder what would happen if waffles played on a line with a club sandwich and a bowl of lobster bisque?

Well, brunch lets you find out.

But, like all good things, it has been bastardized to the point of not being worth your time.

For starters, I feel like brunch reservations are always hard to get, and that’s all because you get table after table of women playing dress-up, taking up space so they can snap photos of themselves with mimosas.

No one cares. Literally no one cares.

You’re just taking up space from the real heroes: those of us who have to make the Sophie’s choice of having eggs or a burger.

Eh, screw it, throw the egg on the burger.

I want to go back to the salad days of brunch (don’t waste your appetite on salad, but the way). I did a cruise recently and was chasing bites of waffle with bites of gorgonzola and grape pizza.

Now that is brunch. The only rule is that there are no rules.

I like an avocado, but buying those things is the absolute bane of my existence.

If you’re in the market for avocados, there’s at least a 50% chance that you should just save yourself some time and throw a few dollars down the garbage disposal.

There are really only two scenarios: you’ll either get an avocado that is about as hard as a diamond or one that feels like it’s full of pudding.

There is no in-between.

I always opt for the diamond-hard ones, because those will at least, in theory, make their way into the edible range. 

The issue is that this window is small. Practically microscopic.

On more than one occasion, I have looked at an avocado sitting in the fruit dish on the counter, and said, “Okay, tomorrow, you will be perfect and are going on a turkey club or in a salad or on toast. You will be consumed in some manner.”

I go to bed, wake up, go downstairs, and that same avocado I was planning on eating is now some brown, rancid mess.

I know no one likes genetically modified anything, but I think the genetics on avocados could maybe use some gussying up. Maybe fix that turns them to s–t while I’m sleeping.

My wife and I went to one of our favorite Mexican joints a couple nights ago. 

One of the greatest things about being married that no one tells you about is counter-ordering. I asked my wife what she was ordering, and she said the birria tacos. This was great because that was one thing I wanted, but I also wanted the grouper tacos. 

I love grouper. Those big ugly sumbitches are tasty.

So, I knew I was getting both because my wife didn’t finish hers.

The only problem was her birria tacos were served on a plank, which we both hate.

Why do restaurants do this? It’s always “hip” restaurants too, and this was one of those. Are they too cool for a plate?

Usually these planks come with fries in a little metal cup and cost like $30 because it’s a “craft burger.”

I feel like this started with sandwiches and has now made its way south of the border. Sure, things you eat with your hands aren’t a huge problem, but this plank included a little domed igloo of Mexican rice.

It’s so hard to eat anything like that off of a plank because they lack the raised edges that plates have, which aid in getting things on your fork and keeping debris from getting all over the table.

ZERO BS. JUST DAKICH. TAKE THE DON’T @ ME PODCAST ON THE ROAD. DOWNLOAD NOW!

I’ve been served turkey clubs with shredded lettuce on planks, and when I’m done, there’s so much shredded lettuce on the table, it looks like I tried to cut it with a weed whacker.

So, if you’re ever in a restaurant and hear a loud groan, it’s probably me, and whatever I ordered just arrived on a plank.

That’s it for this week’s edition of The Gripe Report!

Be sure to send your gripes to [email protected] for a future edition!

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Dems Lose It After 214-212 Vote — It Was All For Nothing

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Dems Lose It After 214-212 Vote — It Was All For Nothing

House Republicans delivered a major legislative victory to President Donald Trump on Tuesday, narrowly approving a sweeping border security package that locks in tens of billions of dollars for immigration enforcement and border operations through the remainder of his second term.

The legislation passed by the slimmest of margins, 214-212, following a tense and dramatic showdown on the House floor that kept lawmakers and political observers guessing until the final moments.

At one point during the vote, the chamber was deadlocked at 213-213, raising questions about whether Republican leaders could secure enough support to push the measure across the finish line. Ultimately, one final Republican vote broke the tie and sent the legislation to the president’s desk.

The bill provides approximately $70 billion in new funding aimed at strengthening border security, immigration enforcement, and homeland security operations.

The package includes:

• $38.6 billion for Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE)

• $22.6 billion for Customs and Border Protection (CBP)

• Nearly $5 billion for broader Department of Homeland Security operations

• Additional funding for child exploitation investigations and related law enforcement initiatives

Supporters describe the measure as one of the most significant investments in immigration enforcement ever approved by Congress. The legislation is expected to provide the Trump administration with the resources needed to continue expanding deportation operations, increase detention capacity, hire additional personnel, modernize enforcement technology, and strengthen security infrastructure along the southern border.

Perhaps most importantly for the White House, the funding is designed to remain in place through January 2029, effectively covering the remainder of Trump’s second term.

Republicans utilized the budget reconciliation process to advance the legislation, allowing it to pass with a simple majority vote rather than the traditional 60-vote threshold required for most Senate legislation. That strategy enabled GOP lawmakers to avoid procedural obstacles that have frequently stalled major policy initiatives in recent years.

Administration officials and congressional Republicans argue that the legislation fulfills one of Trump’s central campaign promises: restoring robust immigration enforcement and securing the nation’s borders.

The bill also removes a recurring challenge that has complicated immigration policy for years—annual funding battles.

Rather than returning to Congress each budget cycle to defend agency funding levels, the administration will now have long-term financial certainty for many of its enforcement priorities.

The vote arrives after months of demonstrations and activist campaigns targeting ICE and other federal immigration agencies. Progressive organizations and immigration advocacy groups have repeatedly called for restrictions on enforcement operations and reductions in ICE funding.

Congress moved in the opposite direction.

Lawmakers did not impose new limitations on enforcement authority.

They did not reduce agency budgets.

They did not scale back deportation operations.

Instead, Congress approved billions of dollars in additional funding aimed specifically at expanding the capabilities of the agencies most closely associated with Trump’s immigration agenda.

Republicans argue that the outcome reflects the priorities of voters who demanded stronger border security and greater enforcement of existing immigration laws.

Democrats overwhelmingly opposed the measure, maintaining that Congress should focus on broader immigration reform rather than increased enforcement spending. They argued that additional funding alone will not solve long-term challenges within the immigration system.

Nevertheless, the legislation passed, marking one of the most consequential immigration policy victories of Trump’s second term.

The measure also builds upon earlier legislation approved in 2025 that significantly increased ICE resources and expanded the agency’s operational capacity nationwide.

Taken together, the two packages represent a long-term restructuring of federal immigration enforcement and signal that border security will remain a defining priority of the administration for years to come.

For supporters of President Trump, Tuesday’s vote represents more than a spending bill. It is a concrete policy achievement that transforms campaign promises into lasting federal action.

The bottom line is clear: ICE remains fully funded, Border Patrol receives a historic investment, the Department of Homeland Security gains substantial new resources, and the administration now has long-term funding certainty to pursue its immigration agenda through the end of Trump’s presidency.

For the White House and its allies, that represents one of the biggest legislative victories of the year.

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All Hell Breaks Loose In DC After Senate Vote — It’s Official Now

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All Hell Breaks Loose In DC After Senate Vote — It’s Official Now

President Donald Trump’s push to require proof of citizenship for federal elections received an unexpected boost this week after a late-night Senate vote revealed that the legislation may have more support than many political observers believed.

While Senate Republicans ultimately failed to advance the Safeguarding American Voter Eligibility (SAVE) America Act during debate over a massive $70 billion immigration enforcement package, the voting breakdown exposed a potential path forward for one of Trump’s top election-integrity priorities.

The SAVE America Act would require individuals registering to vote in federal elections to provide documentary proof of U.S. citizenship. Supporters argue the measure is a commonsense safeguard designed to ensure that only American citizens participate in federal elections, while opponents contend existing laws already prohibit non-citizens from voting.

The issue surfaced during the Senate’s marathon vote-a-rama, where Republicans attempted twice to attach the legislation to a broader immigration enforcement package.

South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham offered one version of the amendment that combined the SAVE Act with several additional policy priorities, including a ban on biological males competing in women’s sports—another issue strongly backed by President Trump.

That proposal failed after four Republican senators broke ranks.

Senators Susan Collins of Maine, Lisa Murkowski of Alaska, Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, and Thom Tillis of North Carolina all voted against Graham’s amendment, preventing Republicans from reaching the threshold needed to pursue additional procedural options.

However, a second effort led by Senator Mike Lee of Utah produced a much different result.

Lee offered a stand-alone version of the SAVE America Act, and this time Collins switched her vote and supported the proposal. The amendment ultimately secured the backing of 50 senators, a significant milestone given the intense partisan divide surrounding election legislation.

The vote immediately energized supporters of the bill.

As the proceedings continued, Lee highlighted what he viewed as the significance of the outcome.

“That means that but for the Zombie Filibuster, the House-passed SAVE America Act would now be on its way to the White House for President Trump’s signature,” Lee said.

Lee and other conservative lawmakers argue that Senate procedures—not a lack of support—are now the primary obstacle standing in the way of the legislation.

Specifically, Republicans continue to face the Senate’s 60-vote filibuster threshold, which allows the minority party to block most legislation unless supporters can secure a supermajority.

Some conservatives have urged Senate Majority Leader John Thune to employ a more aggressive strategy, including forcing Democrats into a prolonged talking filibuster that could eventually allow Republicans to move the legislation with a simple majority vote.

So far, Thune has resisted those calls.

The Senate leader has argued that Republicans may not be able to maintain complete unity throughout such a process, particularly if Democrats begin offering politically difficult amendments designed to divide the GOP conference.

Still, Trump’s allies have become increasingly frustrated with what they view as unnecessary caution from Senate leadership.

Supporters of the SAVE Act note that the political landscape is changing rapidly. Two Republican senators who opposed various Trump-backed priorities—Mitch McConnell and Thom Tillis—are retiring, while Senator Bill Cassidy of Louisiana recently lost his primary after years of criticism from grassroots conservatives over his vote to convict Trump during his second impeachment trial.

Those developments have fueled optimism among Trump supporters that the Republican conference may become more aligned with the president’s agenda in the near future.

Another source of frustration has been Senate Parliamentarian Elizabeth MacDonough.

MacDonough previously ruled that the SAVE America Act could not be included in the immigration package under budget reconciliation rules, which allow certain legislation to pass with a simple majority vote.

President Trump has sharply criticized that decision and has called on Senate leadership to replace the parliamentarian.

“We have every right to change her, and should do so, IMMEDIATELY,” Trump said on Truth Social. “As long as she’s there, we will never get our desperately needed, SAVE AMERICA ACT, approved, and put into full force and effect!”

For now, the legislation remains stalled. But after months of declining momentum, this week’s Senate vote demonstrated that support for the SAVE Act remains substantial. More importantly for supporters, it revealed that a majority of senators may already favor the measure—even if Senate procedures continue preventing it from becoming law.

With election integrity expected to remain a major issue heading into the midterms, the battle over the SAVE Act appears far from over.

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Alarming Date Given For When Social Security Will Run Out

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Alarming Date Given For When Social Security Will Run Out

A new government report is sounding the alarm over the future of Social Security, warning that the program’s primary retirement trust fund is now projected to run out of reserves sooner than previously expected.

According to the newly released 2026 Social Security Trustees Report, the Old-Age and Survivors Insurance (OASI) Trust Fund—the account responsible for paying retirement and survivor benefits to tens of millions of Americans—is projected to become insolvent during the fourth quarter of 2032.

While Social Security would not disappear if that happens, the consequences could be significant for retirees who rely on the program as a primary source of income.

Once the trust fund’s reserves are exhausted, Social Security would only be able to pay benefits using incoming payroll tax revenue. The report estimates that would be enough to cover approximately 78 percent of scheduled benefits, resulting in an automatic reduction of roughly 22 percent unless Congress intervenes before then.

The report also found that the combined Social Security trust funds—which include both retirement and disability programs—are projected to be depleted by the third quarter of 2034.

At that point, the combined system would only be able to pay approximately 83 percent of promised benefits.

The latest projection represents a deterioration from last year’s estimate. In the 2025 trustees report, the retirement trust fund was expected to remain solvent until 2033. The new forecast moves the depletion date forward by roughly one year.

Trustees pointed to several factors contributing to the updated projections, including changes resulting from legislation enacted last year.

“One Big Beautiful Bill Act (OBBBA): Enacted on July 4, 2025, this law makes permanent the lower income tax rates and adjusted tax brackets originally enacted under the 2017 Tax Cuts and Jobs Act and both increases and makes permanent the larger standard deduction of the 2017 Act,” the report states.

The report further explains the impact those tax changes may have on Social Security financing.

“The OBBBA also adds a temporary additional standard deduction for taxpayers over age 65. As a result, less income tax will be paid on Social Security benefits, and the OASI and DI Trust Funds will receive lower levels of revenue in the future from income taxation of Social Security benefits.”

The findings underscore a challenge that policymakers have been aware of for years. As Baby Boomers continue retiring, fewer workers are supporting a growing number of beneficiaries. At the same time, declining birth rates and longer life expectancies have placed increasing pressure on the system.

Social Security remains one of the federal government’s largest programs and serves as a financial lifeline for millions of retirees, disabled Americans, widows, widowers, and surviving family members.

Importantly, trustees emphasized that insolvency does not mean the program would cease operating.

Workers would continue paying payroll taxes, and beneficiaries would continue receiving monthly checks. The concern is that those revenues alone would not be sufficient to fund all promised benefits once reserves are depleted.

That reality leaves Congress facing increasingly difficult choices.

Lawmakers could choose from several options, including raising payroll taxes, increasing the retirement age, adjusting future benefit formulas, lifting the cap on wages subject to Social Security taxes, reducing future benefits for higher earners, or adopting a combination of reforms.

Historically, however, Social Security has been one of Washington’s most politically sensitive issues, making major reforms difficult to enact.

One bright spot in the report involves Social Security’s Disability Insurance Trust Fund. Trustees found that the disability program remains financially stable and is projected to pay full scheduled benefits throughout the entire 75-year forecast period.

Nevertheless, the retirement side of the system is facing mounting challenges.

For current retirees and Americans approaching retirement age, the report serves as a reminder that the timeline for reform is shrinking. Unless Congress acts before late 2032, Social Security’s primary retirement trust fund will no longer be able to fully fund promised retirement and survivor benefits.

The debate over how to preserve Social Security has been delayed for years. According to the latest trustees report, lawmakers now have less time than previously thought to find a solution.

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