It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time to tuck a napkin into our shirts and get to complainin’ in an all-new edition of The Gripe Report.

And this week, we’re talking about one of my favorite topics: food.

I know. Surprising given my chilled, Herculean physique and higher-than-average cholesterol.

I love food. In fact, I love it so much I actually eat it several times a day.

However, like anything, I have a lot of thoughts about it, and while we’ve touched on food in Gripe Reports past, I think everyone appreciates a good round of food gripes because we all experience food.

If you didn’t, you’d die. You don’t really get much of a choice in the matter.

So what do you say? Grab yourself a beverage and maybe throw on some sweatpants because we’re about to whip up a big bowl of complaints.

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Like a great many of you, we got some baked beans for our Memorial Day cookout. Now, those come in different flavors, many of which taste alike. 

We had some like maple-y ones, and if you blindfolded me and gave me another flavor, I’m not sure I could tell the difference.

But, recently, the folks at Bush’s — they of talking dog commercial fame — uncorked this triumvirate of unholy bean flavors.

I’ll be honest, apple pie could work and dill pickle piques my interest, but rocket pop?

I hate that this is a thing now.

Companies seem to just sit around and go, “Hey, what if we made Pop-Tarts that taste like jerky?” then they do, and everyone’s like, “Whoa, that’s f-–ked up. Beef jerky Pop-Tarts,” and then maybe a couple people buy them to make a video and go viral.

Other than that, they just go away.

Call me old-fashioned; I like when things taste like what they are. I like coffee that tastes like coffee and beer that tastes like beer.

That’s my biggest problem with craft beer. Places are like, “Hey, try this beer; it tastes like Twizzlers,” instead of just making beer that tastes like a good beer.

It’s a fad, and will fortunately fall by the wayside like Pet Rocks and clear electronics (I kind of miss that one though the see-through N64 hit different).

I’m not going to lie, I’ve got mixed feelings about brunch.

On one hand, I love that it is basically a food all-star game.

Ever wonder what would happen if waffles played on a line with a club sandwich and a bowl of lobster bisque?

Well, brunch lets you find out.

But, like all good things, it has been bastardized to the point of not being worth your time.

For starters, I feel like brunch reservations are always hard to get, and that’s all because you get table after table of women playing dress-up, taking up space so they can snap photos of themselves with mimosas.

No one cares. Literally no one cares.

You’re just taking up space from the real heroes: those of us who have to make the Sophie’s choice of having eggs or a burger.

Eh, screw it, throw the egg on the burger.

I want to go back to the salad days of brunch (don’t waste your appetite on salad, but the way). I did a cruise recently and was chasing bites of waffle with bites of gorgonzola and grape pizza.

Now that is brunch. The only rule is that there are no rules.

I like an avocado, but buying those things is the absolute bane of my existence.

If you’re in the market for avocados, there’s at least a 50% chance that you should just save yourself some time and throw a few dollars down the garbage disposal.

There are really only two scenarios: you’ll either get an avocado that is about as hard as a diamond or one that feels like it’s full of pudding.

There is no in-between.

I always opt for the diamond-hard ones, because those will at least, in theory, make their way into the edible range. 

The issue is that this window is small. Practically microscopic.

On more than one occasion, I have looked at an avocado sitting in the fruit dish on the counter, and said, “Okay, tomorrow, you will be perfect and are going on a turkey club or in a salad or on toast. You will be consumed in some manner.”

I go to bed, wake up, go downstairs, and that same avocado I was planning on eating is now some brown, rancid mess.

I know no one likes genetically modified anything, but I think the genetics on avocados could maybe use some gussying up. Maybe fix that turns them to s–t while I’m sleeping.

My wife and I went to one of our favorite Mexican joints a couple nights ago. 

One of the greatest things about being married that no one tells you about is counter-ordering. I asked my wife what she was ordering, and she said the birria tacos. This was great because that was one thing I wanted, but I also wanted the grouper tacos. 

I love grouper. Those big ugly sumbitches are tasty.

So, I knew I was getting both because my wife didn’t finish hers.

The only problem was her birria tacos were served on a plank, which we both hate.

Why do restaurants do this? It’s always “hip” restaurants too, and this was one of those. Are they too cool for a plate?

Usually these planks come with fries in a little metal cup and cost like $30 because it’s a “craft burger.”

I feel like this started with sandwiches and has now made its way south of the border. Sure, things you eat with your hands aren’t a huge problem, but this plank included a little domed igloo of Mexican rice.

It’s so hard to eat anything like that off of a plank because they lack the raised edges that plates have, which aid in getting things on your fork and keeping debris from getting all over the table.

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I’ve been served turkey clubs with shredded lettuce on planks, and when I’m done, there’s so much shredded lettuce on the table, it looks like I tried to cut it with a weed whacker.

So, if you’re ever in a restaurant and hear a loud groan, it’s probably me, and whatever I ordered just arrived on a plank.

…

That’s it for this week’s edition of The Gripe Report!

Be sure to send your gripes to [email protected] for a future edition!

Israel’s Deputy Foreign Minister accuses the EU of weaponizing a “socially acceptable mask” of anti-Zionism to target the Jewish state — after Brussels sanctioned Israeli civil society groups that oppose Palestinian statehood.

“We are witnessing a deeply troubling trend where traditional antisemitism has simply put on a new, socially acceptable mask: anti-Zionism,” Israel’s Deputy Foreign Minister Sharren Haskel told Fox News Digital. “Where prejudice once targeted the individual Jew, it is now directed at the collective Jewish state and our fundamental right to live in our ancestral homeland. But make no mistake, the political targeting of Israel always bleeds into an assault on Jewish life itself,” Haskel added. 

The European Union imposed the sanctions on four Israeli civil society organizations and three of their senior figures, alleging support for “settler violence” and claiming they undermine prospects for a Palestinian state — a move that Regavim, one of the groups targeted, described as an infringement on Israeli sovereignty.

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“Our entire activity consists of legal and parliamentary work. We collect and analyze information and policies and go to court and the legislature to highlight areas where Israel’s policy is either lacking or misguided,” Naomi Kahn, Regavim’s Director of International Division, told Fox News Digital.

“The European Union is trying to control the internal political system and policies of an independent state that is supposed to be an ally. When we point out the absurdity of the situation, they don’t like it,” she said.

In its announcement, the European External Action Service (EEAS) stated that “extremist settlers and the organizations supporting them contribute directly to violence, forced displacement and dispossession across the West Bank.”

The sanctions, according to the EEAS, “target entities and individuals that facilitate, finance or support activities contributing to settler violence and serious human rights abuses against Palestinians.”

The statement also accused Regavim of lobbying for “the demolition of Palestinian property” and referenced an EU-funded school in Jabbet al-Dhib near Bethlehem.

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Kahn said the school was constructed illegally on Israeli state land in Area C, within a nature reserve connected to the Herodian complex. She said legal proceedings were carried out regarding the structure and that it was ultimately demolished.

Under the 1993 Oslo Accords, negotiated during the Clinton administration, the West Bank was divided into three areas: Area A, under full Palestinian control; Area B, under Palestinian civil authority with Israeli security control; and Area C, under full Israeli administrative and security control.

Kahn added that an engineering assessment found the school unsafe for use, arguing that placing students and teachers inside it posed “downright dangerous” conditions.

“We pointed out that the E.U. and the Palestinian Authority are simply violating the law in a very purposeful, systematic way to take control of Area C using structures like schools, sometimes mosques, and homes of innocent people that they push into those areas,” she added.

Regavim has published a report claiming there are 100 illegal schools in Area C that it says are being used by the P.A. as part of a broader strategy of de facto annexation.

Separately, a 2023 mapping study by Regavim estimated that roughly 103,000 unauthorized Arab-built structures exist across the West Bank, asserting that the P.A.—often with external support — has facilitated extensive illegal construction activity.

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In response, Israel’s cabinet last month approved a set of broad measures aimed at countering efforts by the P.A. to establish de facto control over disputed territories.

Under the resolution, initiatives attributed to Ramallah to create a parallel land registry in Area C were declared to have no legal validity or standing.

“The real target here is not violence, but legitimate political opposition. The sanctioned organizations do not support violent action; rather, they have consistently challenged the concept of a two-state solution and exposed how the EU actively builds illegal structures in Judea and Samaria,” Haskel said, referring to the biblical names of the territories,” Haskel said.

She accused the EU of disregarding the Oslo Accords and “attempting to unilaterally alter facts on the ground to steal Israeli land.”

Haskel acknowledged there was an issue, as in any society, “with some individuals who break the law, but emphasized they represent a small minority and that Israel investigates and prosecutes them. She said grouping hundreds of thousands of law-abiding Israeli residents in the West Bank together with Hamas — a genocidal terror organization responsible for mass murder — distorts moral distinctions.”

She said, “This creates a false and dangerous symmetry that minimizes the exceptional threat of global terrorism while politically targeting individual Israelis. It is an unacceptable moral equivalence that blurs the line between a sovereign democracy defending its people and the savage terror apparatus trying to destroy it.”

Fox News Digital repeatedly sought comment from the European External Action Service, which referred us to its original sanctions statement.

One of America’s largest pizza chains may introduce a protein-boosted pizza.

The news came from a recent call with Sandeep Reddy, Domino’s chief financial officer, according to Yahoo Finance’s executive editor Brian Sozzi.

The idea was floated by analysts from Bernstein, a New York-based investment research firm, after discussions with the CFO, who did not disclose any specific product innovations.

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“Once again, for competitive reasons, management did not share the type of innovation, but we appreciated that ideas like a protein-boosted pizza, revamped chicken platform and variations of existing formats (e.g., a deep dish or new stuffing for the crust) could be operationally deployed and are likely in the long-term pipeline of ideas that management could eventually tap in,” the note said, according to Sozzi.

Fox News Digital reached out to Domino’s for comment.

While Domino’s has not confirmed plans for a protein-focused pizza, the concept tracks with a broader industry push toward higher-protein menu offerings.

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“There’s no doubt protein is on the rise,” said Maeve Webster, the Vermont-based president of Menu Matters and a restaurant industry expert.

From a consumer standpoint, protein is “intuitive and requires little advanced understanding,” Webster told Fox News Digital.

“Protein is good,” she said. “Most people like eating it in some form, and adding it to anything will make it healthier.”

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“Obviously, that’s reductive, but that’s as easy as it is for the consumer — most of whom don’t want to or don’t have the time to dive deeper into health issues.”

She also cited the continued growth of GLP-1s as a key reason for protein’s booming popularity.

“Adding protein to popular and indulgent items can reduce any guilt associated with its consumption,” she said.

“Recently, we’ve seen fiber begin to challenge protein as the trending macro nutrient, and the need for more fiber is greater than the need for more protein. … But protein tends to be sexier, tastier — just another reason to add another slice of bacon to that burger — and more youthful.”

The news comes as demand for protein-rich foods continues to climb.

Earlier this year, the chairman and CEO of Coca-Cola floated the idea of adding protein or fiber to more soft drinks.

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Last fall, Starbucks introduced its Protein Lattes and Protein Cold Foam, which contain between 15 and 36 grams of protein per beverage.